What if he thinks I’m getting too clingy and sends me away? It’s not like it hasn’t happened before.
“I need to use the bathroom,” I say before jumping to my feet.
I don’t know if Casey is following me or not. I just need a moment of peace to process my thoughts.
“Hey, are you okay?” she asks again the moment it gets a little quieter, letting me know that she is, in fact, following me. Her warm hand wraps around my upper arm, and I slow my steps.
“Yeah, of course. I just need to pee before the third period starts.”
She lets me keep moving, and it’s not until I come to a stop in the line for the bathroom that she continues.
“What happened back there? What did he send you?”
“Nothing. It was nothing.”
“It was something. You shot up and ran like your ass was on fire.”
“I just need to pee,” I repeat, despite the fact that I know she’s not buying it.
“Freya,” Casey breathes. “It’s okay. Whatever it is, you can tell me. Judgment-free zone, yeah?”
“I know. I do. I just…hefucked me up. I didn’t realize how bad it was until Cole took this chance on me. He keeps calling me out on my bullshit. All of it has been caused byhim, and I hate it. I hate the person he’s turned me into. And I…I don’t know how to get rid of her and find the old me again.” Tears burn my eyes as my verbal diarrhea comes to an end.
“I’m sorry, I…damn it,” I curse, realizing that I said it again.
“What?”
“I’m trying to stop apologizing for stupid things.”
Casey nods, her hand reaching for me. “It’s okay for it to take time for you to find yourself.”
“I know. But I’m getting fed up with waiting. I want to see the world in full color again. I keep getting glimpses, and I want it, Case. I want it so bad. I’m fed up with the muted grays and the sadness. I want color, and laughter, and hope.”
Her own eyes are glassy. “I know you do. And it’ll happen. It’s coming. You’re coming out the other side, babe. Life is about to get so much better.”
I nod, sniffling as we shuffle closer to the front of the line.
“What gives you the most color?”
I bite down on my bottom lip.
“Hanging out with you and Parker.”
“And,” she prompts, knowing there’s more.
“My job,” I say, my lips twitching with a smile. “It’s given me purpose, a reason to get up in the morning.”
Casey smiles proudly.
I think of the kitchen I’ve been spending my days in recently, and the joy it’s brought me. But I quickly find my thoughts drifting to the man who owns it.
Without even realizing, he’s helping me.
I think of the laughs we’ve shared in his kitchen. The way he looks at me like I’m not some broken thing that needs fixing but a woman who is—mostly—in control of herself. I think of how it felt on Sunday when we walked side by side, getting to know each other better with the warm spring air gently blowing past us.
My cell buzzes again, and I’m powerless but to pull it free.
Cole: Bring your dad up to the friends and family suite after the game. Need to celebrate our win with my number-one fan…
