Imight have been a nervous wreck who was seconds away from canceling this date, but the second I saw Levi waiting for me outside the restaurant he chose, I relaxed.
I’d forgotten how easy he was to talk to after the game. And again tonight, we fell into conversation almost immediately, and thankfully, it hasn’t stopped the whole way through dinner.
There’s just one little problem.
I don’t think I’m attracted to him.
He’s hot. He’s thoughtful and kind, he’s funny, but…he’s just not doing it for me.
Not in the way someone else does.
Internally, I cringe as I think about what I did earlier.
Sending Cole a selfie of me while I freaked out was not a part of my plan.
The moment he replied, I wanted the ground to swallow me up.
He’s already witnessed enough of my freak-outs. He didn’t need a front row seat to that one, too.
Although I must admit, his response did settle some of my nerves.
I’d blown through outfit after outfit, trying to settle on something to wear.
Mom had voted for the blue floral dress, and I was pretty sure Casey would have said the same if I had sent the selfie to the correct person. But that didn’t mean I wasn’t feeling utterly self-conscious about how fitted the dress was.
It’s the kind of thing I’d have worn in Vegas without thinking twice about it. Even when I first went with Rowan, I’d have happily worn it out in public with him. Bitterness drips through my veins as I think back. I hate that he’s the reason I’ve lost my confidence, and I’m terrified that I’ll never be the girl I was before him.
Strutting around the club in Vegas in a little black dress, carrying a tray of cocktails above my head, is like a vision from a past life now. Looking at photos from those days is hard. It’s like looking at a stranger.
With a full stomach after an incredible three-course meal, I sit back laughing as Levi tells me a story about his friend with a terrible dating history.
I’m sure to everyone else in this restaurant, this date looks like it’s going amazingly. I guess, in a way, it is. I’m just not fully invested. I feel bad, because I keep catching him looking at me like this could be more than it is. My stomach knots every time, because I know I’m going to disappoint him, and that’s the last thing I want to do.
Maybe you just need moretime, a little voice says in my head.
Maybe it’s better that you haven’t fallen hard and fast.
Maybe it’s your heart trying to protect itself.
The conversation moves on to the Vipers’ next few games. They’re at home on Wednesday and then away again on Friday night. Levi talks animatedly about the players and their stats.Most of it goes over my head, but I’m starting to understand more and more from my time with Cole.
As he chats away, my mind drifts, wondering what Cole is doing right now.
Did he follow my instructions and warm his dinner up properly? Did he enjoy eating alone in peace or did he miss me? It’s wrong of me to hope for the latter, but the thought is there regardless.
“Excuse me,” I say when I find a chance. “I’m just going to visit the restroom.”
Just like he did the last time I excused myself, he stands as I do. After spending years with a man who only cared about himself, it’s weird watching someone be considerate like that.
My skin burns as I make my way to the back of the restaurant, where the bathrooms are. He’s watching me, I know he is, but I don’t look back. I don’t want to lead him on.
The second I turn the corner, I pull my cell from my purse.
Disappointment floods me when I only find messages from Casey and Parker in our group chat, asking how it’s going.
There’s nothing from Cole.
Silently, I chastise myself for not being romantically interested in my date, who, on paper, is everything I want in a guy. Instead I’m unable to get my boss out of my head.
