“Can I get up, please?” I request, my voice weak yet demanding.
Panic washes through Cole’s expression before he quickly climbs to his feet and backs away from the bed.
“I’m sorry,” he says, dragging his hair back from his brow. “I just…I don’t know what I’m doing here.”
“It’s okay. You’re okay. It’s me. It’s just a lot and?—”
“I’m sorry. I just told you that I’d take it slow and?—”
“Cole,” I say, stepping up to him and pressing my hands against his chest. He swallows whatever words were going to come next.
His chest heaves as he stares down at me. No words are said, but they’re not needed.
He gets me in a way I’m not sure anyone has ever done before. And I’m pretty sure I’m starting to figure him out, too.
“I’m not going anywhere,” I promise him. “I think…I think I want this. You. And?—”
His brow creases. “You think?”
A laugh tumbles free, but there’s no amusement in it. “I know,” I correct. “I’m just terrified. The last time I put my trust in someone this way, they shattered it, and in turn, they shattered me. It’s going to take me some time to?—”
“I have time. I have all the time in the world, as long as you’re in this with me.”
I shake my head, but not in a refusal kind of way, it’s in an “oh my god, I can’t believe this is actually happening” kind of way.
When I accepted his job offer all those weeks ago in Casey and Kodie’s kitchen, I was a broken shell of the woman I used to be. I never in a million years thought that Cole would see me as anything but his chef, a woman who feeds him and hopefully helps to keep him strong and healthy so he can perform at his best. Never did I think he’d look at me in the way he is now. There is so much hope in his eyes, but it’s impossible to miss the fear.
While I might be scared of being hurt again, he’s terrified of being left. Of being abandoned because he’s not enough.
That thought, the fact that he thinks that’s even possible, makes my heart hurt in the worst kind of way.
Sliding my hands up, I stretch onto my toes and wrap my arms around his shoulders, holding him tight. “I’m with you,” I whisper against his neck.
His arms lift, wrapping them around my back. His breath tickles over my skin as we stand there holding each other, silently reassuring each other that there’s no reason to be scared.
As much as I trust him, I think there will always be a trickle of fear running through me. All I can hope is that with time, he helps eradicate it.
“You should go and shower,” I say, pulling back from our embrace when his stomach begins rumbling again.
He releases me and watches me as I back away from him.
His eyes don’t leave me as I retreat to the door. It kills me to break the connection with him, but as much as I might want to throw caution to the wind, strip, and get into the shower with him, I know I’m right about taking this slow.
It’ll be worth it.
When the time comes, I don’t want to get all up in my head and risk my fear taking over. I want to be fully present and focused on him. On us.
“I’ll have food ready for when you get out.”
He looks reluctant to let me go, but as I slip around the door and out of the room, he doesn’t say a word.
“Oh my god,” I breathe as I rush toward the kitchen.
I stop once I get to the island, place my palms on the cool countertop, and take a breath.
That really happened.
The sound of Cole moving around in his room, and then the shower starting, hits my ears, and I force myself out of my recent memories so I can focus on my job.
