“Follow me.” I guide her up one of the side towers, to a smaller courtyard a few floors above, quiet and private. My chest feels too tight.
“What’s going on with you?” I ask.
“I’m not sure what you mean.” She shrugs, playing aloof, but I’m not buying it.
“You’ve been canceling our tutoring sessions. I see how you ice me out in class. Something happened.” My voice hardens before I can soften it. “Something’s bothering you.”
Her face is unreadable. I push further, the words burning out before I can think better of them. “Is it Atticus? Did that smug Pride bastard bad-mouth me? Is he threatening you to stay away from me?”
She laughs—too forced—and rolls her eyes. “Why would Atticus have any power over what I do?”
“Then tell me what’s going on.” I say sharper than I mean to.
She lets out a heavy sigh. “I have no idea what you’re talking about. I can’t help it if I’m getting too busy to tutor you.” She says, panicked and irritated. “I don’t care about the potion you promised. You can keep it. I just—” she falters, swallowing hard. “I just want you to leave me alone….”
“So, unless you’re going to use your power and influence to force me to tutor you… can I please go now?” She grits out, words trembling on the edge of challenge.
I drag in a deep breath, my shoulders locking up like I’m bracing for a hit I can’t avoid. The bench groans under me as I drop onto it, elbows digging into my knees. I bury my face in my hands, trying to hold myself together long enough to find the words.
“Look… I’m sorry I dragged you up here just to corner you.” The words taste bitter. “I know what people say about me, what my reputation is. I can live with that—I’ve been living with it my whole damn life. But I’ve never seen fear in you—” My fingers twitch against my temple, like even saying it burns. “—until now. Not about me. Not about my name. And that…” My chest tightens, a sharp ache cutting through me. I shake my head, exhaling hard. “That cuts deeper than anything else.”
I rub a hand over my jaw, trying to keep my tone from cracking, my eyes darting anywhere but her face. Every word feels like I’m prying something raw out of my chest.
“I’m not good at this. At… friends. At letting people in.” The words scrape out of me like gravel. “Outside of my most loyal members, most people either flinch when they see me coming, or they cozy up, waiting to dig out whatever they can sell to my brothers or sisters. But you—you didn’t. You didn’t flinch. You didn’t dig. And being around you…” I stop, swallowing hard against the lump in my throat. “It was like shutting off the noise for once. Like I didn’t have to measure every bite I take, every word I say, every step I make.”
My voice breaks, frustration flaring hot, and I force it flat again.
“I liked that. I valued that. I valued you. And if that’s gone, fine. I’ll deal with it.”
“But if someone’s gotten in your ear, if there’s something I don’t know…” My voice drops, ragged. “I want the chance to defend myself. No one else is going to fight for me. Just give me that much. Please.”
Her fingers tighten around the strap of her bag, knuckles whitening. “Why would people sell information to your brothers and sisters?”
I groan as I breathe out a low laugh. “They don’t teach you anything at all about Gluttony in Wrath, do they?”
“Never thought I’d need to know more than where to point to it on a map.” She sasses back.
That’s better. I’ll take her sass over her fear.
“My brothers and sisters would buy any information that could be used against me, either for their own gains to step on my power or take part of my territory, or to use as a weakness to show my father…” I give her a straight answer. “There are a lot of ways information could be used against me.”
“So, your family just tears each other apart? For power? Why? Isn’t your family already the most powerful in Gluttony? What more could they want?”
“It’s how it’s always been, Arwen. The members of my family make up the various gangs, but there is only one top spot. Only one Councilor role… and there are many reasons I would not want to see any of my siblings in that spot, but I guess the biggest reason would be that it would mean the end of my life.” I run my hands over my head, wishing my hair were long enough to grab.
“Your siblings would kill you?” she asks, scanning me with disbelief, though the crease between her brows betrays her concern.
“Not just me, but likely anyone still alive who could have a claim to the seat. Notice my father has no remaining siblings. It’s a brutal business just getting to the top, but once you're there, you need to make sure your hard work doesn’t go to waste.”
“So you would kill your brothers and sisters?” She asks, still holding her tone of disbelief.
“I would if I had to.” I respond, looking her dead in the eyes. “I know it’s difficult to understand Arwen, but it’s the way of my people.”
She jerks her chin up, eyes narrowing to slits. “And what about your people you lord over who get hurt along the way?”
“That’s why I fight.” I reply, raising my voice a little in emotion. “I have very different ideals from most of my brothers and sisters. Most see our people as only a tool. I do what I do to keep them from ruling. To keep them from gaining more territory…”
“If you’re so much better than why are people so afraid of you?” She challenges.
