If You Love Her-Forest Blakk
Jason and I were married at sunset at the place we feel most connected: the pond that means so much to both of us. I wore a simple white strapless dress and flowers in my hair while he wore a linen button up with dark denim jeans. It was simple, beautiful, and everything I could have imagined. Dylan was certified online to officiate the ceremony and my parents were the only guests in attendance.
The night Jason and I reunited, he took me back to my parent’s house so I could explain what happened and he could meet them properly. Anxious doesn’t even begin to cover how I felt going into the introductions. But, to my surprise, my parents were very receptive. I saw the hesitation in their eyes when I told them I was leaving home…again, to marry the man I spent all of high school tormenting and all winter learning to love. But, I like to think they saw the love between us and accepted it for what it was. I think they saw how genuine our affection for one another is and didn’t want to get in the middle of it.
It immensely warmed my heart that our relationship was more important than their hesitation. The more they got to know Jason, the more they liked him. As weird as it might be for them to tell their high society friends that their daughter is married to the mute kid who isn’t a mute anymore, they seem authentically happy for us.
We spent the summer basking in the sun and the rose colored glasses of our honeymoon phase. Dylan took off for a week to visit some friends in Portland so we could have some privacy after the wedding. Bless his selfless heart. But I think it was purely selfish because he didn’t want to listen to our endless “love making” in the heat of my return and the excitement of our marriage. We toned it down quite a bit after he got back.
And that is when he broke the news to us that he was moving to Portland to attend Portland State University in the fall and work on his goal of becoming a teacher. I couldn’t have been happier for him. Of course, we were both sad we wouldn’t see him every day, but seeing how thrilled he was about starting his future made up for it tenfold. I’m still not sure if Dylan ever told his brother about those plans before they were set in motion, but Jason was nothing but supportive.
Granted, that meant Jason was also losing a business partner, and I certainly wouldn’t be any help in the shop (unless he wanted a handjob). Thankfully, supply and demand is a beautiful thing and eager customers–mainly rich guys across the country–were willing to pay top dollar to be pushed to the front of the line, especially after all their friends received the firearms constructed over the winter and saw the immeasurable quality of Jason’s work.
I learned that Dylan helped only in the basic manufacturing department, Jason was the one doing all the customizations. Maybe one day Jason will take someone under his wing in the summertime and pass his knowledge onto someone else like him. Someone who was let down by the school system and finds fulfillment in working with their hands. Someone with the same goals as him.
As for me, I continued my sessions with Nita. I have no idea what I want to do with my life now but I’ve accepted that that’s ok. I can take my time to find my passion and create the life I want.
Even though Jason’s business brings in more than enough for our simple life, I kept my job through the summer and fall. I wanted to get out a few days a week, interact with people, and do something for myself. Especially considering I was signing up for another winter of isolationon the mountain.
With my husband.
I never get tired of saying that. Just like I never get tired of hearing him call me his wife, especially in the bedroom.
My husband spent the better part of the summer teaching me how to fish. I quickly learned I am not a natural at outdoor sports, as evidenced by how long it took me to learn to aim a gun. But we have nothing but time to practice and he has all the patience in the world. And I don’t really care how many fish I catch as long as Jason is standing near me.
Despite the fact that he can speak, now, I don’t mind our comfortable silence. The times we spent on the bank of the river fishing in silence are as meaningful to me as the times he whispers sweet nothings into my ear. Everything about our life is exactly as I imagined it. I wouldn’t change our story for anything.
It’s the first snowfall of the year which means we have a couple more days until we are trapped on the mountain for the winter. I stand on the porch with a mug of hot chocolate in my hand and a thick wool blanket wrapped around me. Beneath, I’m only wearing a simple black nightie which I’ve grown fond of since sleeping up here in the summer. It helps that Jason is basically a space heater so even on the cold nights I’m pretty warm in this. The amount of exposed skin means he’s all over me, but I’m not complaining.
The puffy white flakes are falling so slowly, as if gently carried down from the heavens. It’s not a storm like my first night on the mountain, it’s a gentle dusting as the sky coats the world in the fresh powder that will transform the barren earth into an enchanted forest come spring. The image before my eyes is so magical, so peaceful. Every breath I take feels like it embodies my happiness, pure and fresh.
“Baby,” Jason says through the open door. “Come inside. It’s c-cold.”
I take one more look at the darkening world beyond the front steps and smile before turning inside, ready to retire in our favorite way.
I’m nestled between Jason’s legs on the couch so my back rests against his chest. His voice vibrates over my shoulder as he reads a book to me whileI sketch in a notepad. I’ve been sketching more and more. I don’t know if anything will come from it, but it brings me joy and the world is my oyster.
Jason has been the one reading to me lately, so he can practice speaking. It’s getting easier and easier for him to speak, and his words are becoming more solid every day. I can’t even begin to express how proud of him I am. Some people spend the rest of their lives allowing fear to control them. I almost let fear and doubt end my life. I’m grateful for every day I’ve been given and every word Jason speaks. Nothing could sound quite as sweet as his voice because it’s not just words coming out of his mouth, it’s courage and strength.
I managed to convince Jason to read one of my favorite books, even though it’s a contemporary romance. He closes the book as he finishes the chapter where they hike to the waterfall and lays the book on the end table beside the couch. As soon as his hands are free, he locks them around me, enveloping me in his warmth. I’ll never get enough of this, of him.
“I’ve been thinking,” he announces over my shoulder.
“Well this can’t be good,” I tease. He pinches my nipple in response and I let loose a little squeal of surprise.
“I’m s-serious. I think we’re missing something here.”
I turn a bit in his arms so I can look at him over my shoulder, lost in the infinity of his eyes. “What’s that? I already told you you can’t get another car until you’re done with the truck.” He’s had his eye on a 55 Chevy Bel Air that’s still for sale on Craigslist but I’m insisting he finish the restoration on the truck first.
“Not a car,” he laughs. Then he leans forward so his lips are a hair’s breadth away from my ear. “I think we’re missing a l-little soul to teach about our life, this life. Someone I can share this with that hopefully l-looks more like you than me.”
I spin so fast in his hold I’m surprised I didn’t take an eye out.
“Are you serious?”
“Of course I am,” his brows narrow even though his smile is infallible.
“I thought you didn’t want to be a dad yet?”
