I don’t get to finish my sentence before Dylan swoops me up in a brotherly hug and spins me around the room.
“You’re staying!” He announces jovially before crying,“Woohoo!”
Laughing, I request, “I’m excited too but put me down. It’s way too soon after seeing you naked to hug.”
He respects my request and lowers me to my feet as Jason walks up behind me and kisses the top of my head sweetly. I peer up into his gorgeous eyes and see my own smile reflected.
I’m so happy. It feels impossible. I feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. Maybe I’m too used to disappointment to accept happiness when it’s so easily dropped into my lap.
“Honestly, the ice might have melted enough by this evening. We can check it out then and see if we can get to town.”
“Let’s just wait until tomorrow,” I tell him. “I want one last day before I have to tell my parents where I’ve been since November. They probably think I’m dead, after all.”
I’m so blissfully, unnaturally, imperfectly happy. I’ve felt like an unwelcome guest even after Jason and I started sleeping together. With everything out in the open I feel completely at home here. Cleaning out the stalls and taking a moment to feed the chicks scraps of food is part of my daily routine. Cooking with Dylan and Jason brings me so much joy. Reading in Jason’s arms feels like home in a way words can’t bring justice to. Everything about my life—our life—is perfect in its simplicity. I dare to think the dreaded words that could jinx everything.
What could go wrong?
I’m jostled awake in the early hours of the morning when the gray of early light begins to filter through the curtains pulled over the balcony doors casting the room in dreary shadows. The fire in the hearth has fizzled intoa soft glow of embers that do nothing to brighten the space.
Jason stands over me and points to the alarm clock on the nightstand but the screen is blank. He gestures with his hand slashing it across his throat.
“The power is out?” He nods to confirm. He pulls me out of bed by the hand and I slip on a pair of sweats and a sweatshirt before heading down stairs. If the power is out that means our only source of heat is the fireplaces. We’re fortunate to have one in our room but Dylan isn’t as lucky.
Speaking of the devil, he’s already downstairs on the couch when we make it to the main floor, bundled in a thick wool blanket with a fire going already.
“Hey, lovebirds, finally realize the power went out?”
“Yeah,” I answer. “How long has it been out?”
“Since four.” He lifts his phone so the screen brightens and shows us it’s 5:23 in the morning.
“How did you know when it went out?“
“I sleep with a white noise machine and when it stopped working I woke up. Haven’t been able to sleep without one since I was a kid.”
I start to walk toward the couch and slam my thigh directly into the corner of the side table beside the couch. I let out a grunt then a hiss and declare, “I can’t see anything this early. Do you still have a flashlight in your nightstand?” I direct the question to Jason and he nods so I head back upstairs to search for it, missing the first step of the stairs in the process and further proving my point.
I stroll over to his side of the bed and start rummaging around in the drawer until my hand brushes the round plastic cylinder. Thankfully, the light bursts from the object when I flip the switch, shining directly into the drawer where something catches my eye. The notes that Jason writes when he can’t sleep lay still at the bottom of the drawer facing toward me.
I’ve never experienced real temptation like this before, the pull to do something you know you shouldn’t but can’t seem to resist. In the seconds I stand staring at the letters, certain words and phrases catch my eye. After seeing those, I can’t look away, I can’t pretend I didn’t see them.
I’m used to the dreams about my father, they’ve plagued me since his death.But the ones about Bob? They don’t happen often. And they’re so vivid, too. I’ll never be able to unfeel the way he touched me, the way he felt, the way my dad didn’t believe what I told him happened. He called me a liar. He said I was talking out of my ass and didn’t believe a word I said. So I stopped saying anything.
So much changed me that day. And I hate the fact that I am who I am today because of all the evil things my father accused me of. And because of what Bob did to me. It took me too fucking long to realize just how fucked up the whole thing was. And now I have to suffer for the rest of my life for it.
Chapter Thirty
Jason-Age 8
Save Yourself-Kaleo
“Hey, kid,” he beckons me over with a wave of his hand. He’s taller than Dad. It’s kind of scary. I feel like being that tall would be scary, like I might hit my head on things. “Where’s your dad?” He asks, looking around the empty corridor between stacks of logs a mile high. “What are you doing here?”
“I can’t find him,” I answer. I’ve never talked to this man before. Even though he’s been at the house before, he didn’t talk to me. “Where’s the employee lounge? He said he would get me lunch.”
“Where did he leave you?” Bob asks.
“His office,” I tell him even though I’m worried he’ll tell on me. “I thought he forgot about me. He was gone for a long time.”
