Every day, the color returned to his face a little more, and his spirits lifted. It gave me some hope, but the fear sitting at the edge of my nerves never seemed to fade, and I was beginning to wonder if it ever would. I’d been naive to think I’d go from the tight safety my father raised us in to the same. What had I even rebelled against there? Other than the forced marriage, my life had been comfortable. I had wanted for nothing. It felt like such a distant path.
Now I was on the precipice of living a lie, not only because I would never love the future King but also because I wanted to see his kingdom and everything he stood for in ruin. Fear lingered, but it didn’t stop me. Every step I took brought me closer to a hazard I was about to adopt as my second skin.
Faolan healing gave me a lot of time to think.
“Ryuu said there’s soup for us if you’re hungry?” I told Faolan as I helped him arrange his wings in one of the chairs in our tent. He was up and about now. It had taken several days for him to get to that point, but seeing him dressed gave me far more hope than I’d had before.
“You don’t have to run around after me. I could go with you.”
“How many times? You need to save your strength for healing, so I’ll go.”
Faolan sighed and took the book I handed him with a scowl. I was fairly sure he had never been confined to bed in his life with the way he was handling it. As if we were all against him. In fact, I don't think anyone had ever told him no, and if they had, Faolan never heeded it. His poor parents. He must have been a handful growing up.
Sadness pinged in my chest like a firefly loose, and while it tried to escape through my lungs, it bumped into every possible future for us that I had to mourn the loss of. We’d never have younglings, and I'd never have a little male with fire in his eyes and a spirit as wild as Faolan’s to chase after.
I would probably have younglings, but I’d never get the chance to love them the way I loved the idea of the one I held in my heart that looked at me with the same eyes as his father.
I left him leafing through the book as if it had offended him. He wasn’t a natural reader. He preferred to be doing, so this was tough on him.
Strolling to the kitchen tent, I took in the rest of the camp. The rebel stronghold was well populated. I had been shocked to see it in the daylight. To know so many supported the cause my people secretly held for centuries would shock the Light Kingdom.
How would things change if we were able to actively join a rebellion against the crown? I was determined to find out. Iwould be the link. It was why, I was now certain, my God had put me here and positioned me to effect a change.
I joined the line for soup and filled two bowls, taking the bread offered too. Setting it all on a tray to carry it back, I noticed a group huddled at a table, talking quietly. They looked my way, Ryuu at their center, and then turned back, continuing their discussion. I hoped we were not outstaying our welcome, as Faolan was not ready to fly yet. Keeping my head down, I quickly returned to our tent so as to keep from their view. We couldn’t bother anyone if we kept to ourselves.
“What’s wrong?” Faolan said, setting his book down as I entered.
“Nothing.”
“Caly,” Faolan warned.
I shook my head. “It’s fine. I just hate the feeling that we are the unwanted guests. Not that anyone has made any comment or suggested we aren’t welcome, but everyone looks at me with such suspicion.”
“It’s their nature to be suspicious. They are rebels. Everyone but them is a threat to their cause.”
“I know,” I sighed. “But I will have to live in a palace full of enemies soon, and this is probably the place I belong the most. I would just love to feel a part of it while I’m here, and I don’t want to overstay our welcome.”
“Come here,” he held out his hand.
I took it and let him lead me between his legs, folding his arms around me as I looked down on him. These touches and caresses were natural between us now. For days, we had barely been out of each other’s reach, and I felt the effect on our bond. It strengthened by the minute.
I felt a swell of desire rise, and I pushed it down. He was healing, and bonding further would not help us part when the time came. That time weighed heavier too as it neared. My bodycried out for him to be closer, my heart was already breaking for when he would be far, and my head told me to minimize the hurt. I was being pulled apart.
“Don’t do that,” he said softly.
“What?” I asked.
“Fight your desire for me.”
My brows drew in. “Who says I am?”
“First and foremost, you are waging a war that is written all over your face,” he smirked, reaching up to brush his thumb over my cheek. “You have been for days.”
“Stop watching me!”
“I won’t. I like watching you.”
“You need to be healing, not stressing over what I’m doing.”
