“Because my life took a different path than yours.”
“One where you avoided—” he paused, selecting his words. “Service?”
“Yes,” I said between my teeth, not sure if I’d get the third degree from him. I wasn’t even sure if he knew about where Jaxus and I came from. If he didn’t, it would be impossible forme to explain all of it to him, and honestly, who would believe me?
“How?” He wasn’t angry, more confused, which was better. I wouldn’t have to justify myself.
“I’m not from the Twelve Kingdoms. We aren’t like you.” It was the easiest way to explain things. It would raise a lot of questions, but it was the truth.
“But you’re here now?”
“Yes.”
“And hiding so you don’t have to serve.”
“More or less.”
He rolled that around for a few moments before speaking. “And if you’re found out, will you go back to where you came from to escape?”
I couldn’t quite figure out where the line of questions was going, so I answered honestly. “I can’t. I didn’t like their rules either, so I didn’t quite leave on the best of terms.”
“So what are you going to do when they find out?”
“When?” I shook my head. I wouldn’t accept the inevitability of it.
“Well, my brother must know.”
I nodded once in confirmation.
“Anyone else?” he hedged.
“Your brother’s ‘circle’ knows,” I admitted.
“Ah, yes, quite the family he has around him now.” Bitterness laced Kol’s words, and I understood. That feeling of being on the outside looking in while everyone else around you seemed able to connect and love. I’d known it all my life. It was the very thing I was escaping from. I was a captive in the literal sense, but I was locked out emotionally, too. In this, Kol and I were kindred spirits. But I knew Kol could be helped if he just let them in.
“I believe they are your family too,” I tried. “I heard they scoured the kingdoms looking for you.”
Kol shrugged. “Nah, half of them are strangers. They were just looking out for Nyx. Everyone has moved on, got mated, and I don’t fit anymore.”
“What about you? No mate?” My stomach flipped even as the words were leaving my lips. “Shit, I’m sorry. I heard you lost your mate when you were captured. I wasn’t thinking, Goddess.
Kol waved me off. “He wasn’t my mate. He was my ryder and a good friend…and a decent fuck when we were both in the mood. But nothing more.”
“Still, you must miss him.”
“I do but—” Kol closed one eye and scrunched his face. “Goddess damn me. Sometimes, I can’t help thinking he was lucky.”
I sucked in a sharp breath. “Lucky?”
“At least his death was final.” Kol looked out to sea, his mind far away as he continued. “Mine is the death that just keeps on giving, and I can’t escape it.”
I couldn’t help the laugh that slipped out. He really was a fae after my own heart.
“Well, if it helps, I’m on the outside of it all, too.”
“And if you’re caught on the outside?” Kol persisted.
“If they find out, I’ll leave again. I won’t be shackled to something I don’t believe in.”
