She stiffens against me, likely because my body seizes up. Dread spikes through me, erasing all the comfort I had just been indulging in. I’m losing my mind. That must be it. One orgasm, those gorgeous tits, that perfect cunt, and she has me rethinking everything I’ve spent the last three years fighting.
“A compromise, Your Majesty,” she whispers, but her tone is firm. “Tomorrow the weather is supposed to be beautiful. What if we set up a picnic outdoors away from the palace? It can be any location you and your guards deem safe. Just…off the palace grounds.”
“A picnic?” I test the word. Thinking of Sabrina’s face when I told her no to the autumn festival. Thinking of the elation I would see in my children if we did something like that.
“Yes. I’d suggest a bouncy house or some small rides or games, but I’m afraid of pushing my luck.”
“A bouncy house? What is that?”
“They’re large inflatable things that kids climb into and jump around in. Maybe they’re called something else here. I don’t know.”
I tilt my head, finding her eyes. “And that’s fun?”
She’s working to hide her grin. “Not so much for adults, but for children, yes.”
I blow out an uneven breath. As much as I can’t handle the notion of my children anywhere other than this palace, I know she has a point. What she’s told me about my children has not escaped my attention. These are the first months since their mother died that light has returned to their eyes. They’ve smiled more. They’ve laughed more. They’ve been silly, asking curious and thoughtful questions about things Bellamy has taught them. Things about art and science and mythology and the planets and food and different cultures.
They need more, they need to grow and thrive and experience, and I’m holding them here. “I can’t…” I blow out another shaky breath. “They have to be safe.”
“I know.” She cups my jaw, staring into me with promises I pray she doesn’t break. “We’ll make sure they are.”
We. As inus. I know that’s not what she’s inferring. I heard what she said before about needing love and how she knows she’ll never be my queen and that she wants to end up with a nice, safe, normal man. All of which I am not.
Does it make me selfish that I want to keep her with me anyway?
“Is that a yes, Your Majesty?” she asks, oblivious to my inner turmoil.
Your Majesty.NotSebastian, and certainly notSeb. We are back to this despite our physical state.
I have no further argument. Not with her touching me, pleading with me. Not with my thoughts as chaotic as they are.
“A picnic. A bouncy house, or whatever you call it.”
“Thank you.” A smile lights up her sweet face, and with it, I become hers.
Horror sweeps through me.
What have I done?
By making her mine, I have sealed her fate as I did Nora’s.
Bellamy is not my queen. She is something infinitely more precious to me, which almost makes this worse. By acting impulsively, she is at risk. Now it’s more than my children I must protect, it’s her as well. Because just as I cannot lose my children, I cannot lose her.
Only I have no idea how I’m going to do that when I feel like at any second she’s about to slip through my fingers.
18
BELLAMY
The autumn sun is shining high overhead, the air cool and crisp. It’s a perfect day. Even if my insides are a disaster.
We left Sebastian’s study shortly after he agreed to today. He walked me to my room and said good night.
That was it.
I didn’t push as I had already pushed him enough. He was quiet and more stoic than he typically is. While my mind was anxious to dwell on all things Sebastian and me, I had bigger things pressing on me. Like today.
Because here we are, riding in the car on our way to the picnic spot about an hour from the palace. It’s a piece of land with a lake set at the foot of the Alps that the royal family has owned for thousands of years or whatever, so this is where Sebastian suggested as it’s still private, secluded, and controllable.
