A beast.
I have a feeling sex with him would be a delicious, torrid, violent affair filled with lust and passion. He sees a virgin and thinks I’m timid or afraid, but looking at him, I’m not. He’ll hurt me. Of that, I have no illusions. But I also know I’ll never be thesame after, and he’s the adventure my body and mind have been seeking all this time.
“I’m in,” I tell him and watch as his eyes widen slightly and his lips part.
Then he smiles. A real, genuine, full-teeth smile. Now, instead of plummeting, my heart explodes. This man doesn’t even know how much of me he already owns.
“You’re in? You don’t even know what you’re saying.”
I roll my eyes at him. “Oh, I think I do. My body may be innocent, but I can assure you, my mind is not. Here, I’ll help you along.” My fingers tug my tucked-in blouse from the top of my skirt before pulling it up and over my head. If he rejects me now, I’ll die. I won’t survive it.
“Fuck,” he hisses when he sees me in my lacy bra.
“What? Don’t pretend you didn’t look down my shirt before and see me like this.”
“Not like this. You were not like this.” Then he gives a self-deprecating laugh. “You knew?”
“I’m a woman, Sebastian. We always know when a man is looking at our tits.”
“Then you must know I do it often.”
“Not like this you don’t.” I reach behind my back and unsnap my bra, letting it slide off my shoulders and fall to the floor beside my blouse.
“Jesus, Bellamy,” he rasps, his eyes half-mast and molten. He runs his hands over his face and through his hair. Shakes his head. Gives a small, bemused chuckle. “My beautiful girl, what are you doing to me? You have no idea what you’re asking for.” He stares at my chest for a moment before his gaze crawls up my neck to my face. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
He’s not simply speaking about what breaking my hymen is going to feel like. He’s talking about my heart. Either he’s still in love with his wife and is incapable of love or he’s too broken and is incapable of love. Or that’s what he’s made himselfbelieve as a method of self-preservation and protection. Either way, it’s a red flag if ever there was one.
Am I the stupid girl thinking I can be the one to change him? Maybe. I might be her.
But…it’s more than just physical with him. Iknowit is. Where my heart is terrified, my gut and mind have never been so sure about anything.
“I’ll risk it.”
“Bellamy—”
“Christ, Sebastian.” My hands go to my hair, and I brush it back from my face. Already feeling too vulnerable standing here half naked without him touching me. “Stop trying to talk me out of this. I know what this is. I know what you’re saying. I won’t be your girlfriend and I’ll never be your queen. Fine. I’m not looking for that from you. I need love in my life and you’re making it clear you’re not going to be the one to give it to me. Again, fine. I’m young. I’ll rebound and eventually find a nice, safe, normal guy to give it to me.”
His hands grasp the backs of my thighs beneath my pushed-up skirt as he stares up into my eyes. “I can’t have you leave. You’re too important to us. To me.”
“That goes for me too. It won’t impact my work with the children. And when this ends, which we both know it will, I’ll manage, and I’ll still make sure it doesn’t impact them.”
He shakes his head as if I’m not getting it. “I’m not saying this because I don’t want you more than I’ve ever wanted another woman. I’m saying this because I do. Because one taste of you won’t be enough. Because I will need you constantly. Because I’m not sureIwill ever have the power to stop wanting you now that you’re mine.”
My heart thunders and my body trembles. My skin feels hot. Achy. Tight. “Then don’t.”
In a flash, he’s back on me. Only he’s not kissing my lips. Well, not the ones on my face anyway. Shoving up my skirt withimpatient hands, his face burrows into the V between my legs as his hands glide up and start massaging my ass cheeks.
He takes a deep inhale of me, and I nearly collapse. “Fuck. Your smell. No one has touched you here?” He glances up at me as he brings one hand around, rubbing my slit over my thin satin underwear only to think better of it and tear them from me.
“No.” It’s a gasp. A wheeze. “What are you doing?”
He pockets my underwear. “I want to smell you later when I no longer can. When you’re fast asleep tonight in your bed, I want your pussy on my face while I jerk off.”
“W-what?”
I’m a mess of a woman and this only seems to amuse him.
His tongue sticks out while his eyes hold mine, and he licks me from my opening up to my clit. I die. And turn ten thousand shades of red as he splits my pussy lips and does it again, staring at my pussy this time. His nose presses in on my clit, rubbing back and forth. He’s worshiping me.
