“Shit,” she hisses, wiping at her face. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that,” she apologizes, her voice lowering, her tone calming. Then suddenly she’s before me, staring up into my eyes, the shadows from the fire dancing across her fair skin. “Might I suggest a compromise?”
“No.”
She rolls her eyes at me, propping her hands on her hips. “Sebastian, stop being a dick for two seconds, and listen to me.”
“A dick?” My jaw tics.
“Yes. Does that not translate?” A sigh. “Please, I’m growing flustered again and that’s not helping anything. Shouting at each other isn’t helping because I’m saying stuff without a filter.”
That’s because we get under each other’s skin within seconds when we stop pretending to be polite.
“I’m not being a dick. I’m being a father to my children. You’re the one overstepping. You’re the nanny. Not their mother.”
Hurt flashes across her face as a flush races up her cheeks. She looks away from me, out into the room, taking several deep, calming breaths in through her nose. “For someone somannered you can be so impossibly mean. Don’t you think I don’t know that? You’ve reminded me that I’m nothing more than the nanny time and time again.”
“Then shut your fucking impertinent mouth and know your role.”
Her eyes snap back to mine, dripping vitriol. “You’re a bastard.”
“No kidding. That’s not new. Why do you think I’m like this?” I grip her upper arms, holding her so she’s forced to see me. “I can’t lose my children, Bellamy. I’ve lost practically everything in my life but my country and my children, and I will not risk them!”
She swallows thickly, her hands planting on my chest, over my raging heart. “Your wife died before your eyes on your summer palace grounds. Your little sister was taken and your father was murdered in your family’s palace in the east. No place is safe.”
“Thanks for that reminder. Like I needed you to tell me that? This is the best I’ve got.”
Her hand presses in on me. “Sebastian, please listen to me. I realize I’m not saying this well. What I meant by that was that life happens to us all no matter where you are or how well you protect yourself. That does not make you cursed. Yes, you’ve lost more than most have. But that also doesn’t mean you will lose more.”
“Do you know that for sure?”
“No. Of course not. Nothing in this world is for sure.”
My face dips down, getting right up in hers. “I cannot. Lose. My children.”
“I can’t either.” Her voice catches. “I can’t, Your Majesty. That’s not what I’m trying to do here. I love them. This palace is my home. It is my heart.” She swallows thickly and licks her lips. “You are my home.”
My heart lurches, the most magnificent of sensationsslamming into me with the force of a tidal wave. That is exactly what I want to be to her. But being her home will only destroy her. “I am not a safe place for anyone.”
“If I wanted safe, I wouldn’t have stayed.” She blows out an exasperated sigh, and her warm, sweet breath fans across my lips. “I’m not afraid. I don’t believe in this curse.” She chews on her lip, waiting for me to lash out, only I don’t have the strength when she’s stolen all the wind from my sails. “To me, your children aren’t cursed. To me,you’renot cursed. I only see you. And them. And unfortunate, heartbreaking, life-changing loss.”
“You can’t know that. You can’t possibly know that for certain. I never believed in it either until I watched Nora fall from the sky and explode before my children’s fucking eyes!” I bark, my anger once again ratcheting up.
“My father killed my mother!” she cries, her hand on my neck now, her eyes on mine. “He killed her in a car accident. It was an accident. No malice. But it forever changed the course of our lives. Your family has endured unspeakable heartache, but a curse that does not make. Your fear is hurting all of you. It’s hurting your children.”
My hands grip her arms tighter in warning. “Shut up, Bellamy. Just shut the fuck up already.”
“Or what? You’ll fire me?”
“Is that what you want? To go? Is that why you’re doing this?!”
“No. I want to stay! I want to be here with your children! With you!”
In a flash my lips slam down on hers, my kiss smothering theoomphand shock that expel past her lips. But I had to shut her up, and I didn’t know how else to do it.
When I realize what I’ve done, I growl into her, biting her bottom lip. Frustrated she pushed me this far. Frustrated I lost my cool and took what I’ve been wanting from the start.Because now that my lips have pressed to hers and we’ve crossed this irrevocable line, I need more and more and more.
She whimpers, but my tongue is there, licking the sting away, the faint metallic taste of her blood driving me higher. Making me primal. In a flash, I move us until I have her pressed against the wall, my kiss hungry, driven by pure lust and fury.
Months of dancing around this, and I’ve finally snapped.
