The city moved around us, indifferent to the panic threading through our small group. Holiday lights reflected in puddles, carols spilled from shops, couples laughed as if none of this mattered. But to us, Emma’s absence made the world feel jagged, wrong.
Every corner we turned, every door we checked, the urgency ratcheted higher. And all the while, the kids were right there, asking questions, pointing out possibilities, adding to the chorus of anxiety and hope. Each comment was innocent, but it unraveled us slightly more, made the situation sharper, closer to the breaking point.
And still, Emma was nowhere to be found.
I was running, every step fueled by panic, my chest tight, throat dry, the cold biting at my cheeks, as Maren and the others struggled to keep pace behind me. Park Drive opened up in front of me, too long and too empty. I kept moving, checking each recessed doorway as I passed, refusing to think about what it meant that she wasn’t in any of them. I couldn’t breathe thinking of her wandering alone out here.
“Ethan… wait.” Maren’s voice cut through the rush in my head. “Just stop a second. We need to think, not keep sprinting blind.”
My feet slowed, but everything else raced on without me. “Thinking isn’t getting us anywhere,” I threw back, eyes still sweeping the street.
“It might,” she said, breath coming hard. She stepped in front of me, palms lifted like she was trying to corral a wild animal. “Let’s be smart about this. If we were Emma, where would we go? We need to look—”
“That’s what I’m doing.” The words scraped their way out of my throat. “I’m looking.”
“Ethan,” she said, quieter, steadier. “Look at me. You’re running yourself into a wall and making it harder to—”
“Harder?” I barked out a laugh that had nothing funny in it. It drew looks of alarm from Miles and Adrian, but I didn’t give a fuck. “She’s nine, Maren. Nine. And she’s out here alone because we keep—”
She reached for my arm like she meant to steady me or tether me or something equally impossible right now. “Ethan, please. Just breathe. We’re not working against you.”
That did it. Something cracked. This whole time I thought it was panic, or fear. Emma. But that was only part of it.
“Oh, is that what this is?” I spun toward her so fast a woman with a stroller yanked it out of my path. Heat shot throughmy chest, hot and ugly. “Because from where I’m standing, this keeps happening on your watch. First the harvest market, now this.” My voice rose, and I couldn’t reel it back. “It stops being accidental when it becomes a pattern.”
Her eyes widened, brimming with hurt. Which somehow made me feel worse, not better.
I pushed on anyway, unable to stop myself. “I hope you were a better teacher than you are a nanny.”
I hated myself the second the words left me. But the panic had taken over. My nephew’s and nieces’ safety was consuming me.
Adrian put a hand on my shoulder “Ethan, come on. This isn’t her fault. It’s nobody’s fault. We’re doing everything we can—”
“Don’t tell me what to do.” I shook him off and pivoted down a side street, not bothering to check if they followed.
I didn’t care. I shouted Emma’s name, ignoring the looks I got from people walking by. Ignoring the bile that rose in the back of my throat every time I pictured Maren’s face when I blamed her for this. My chest pinched, but there wasn’t any time for guilt. Not now. Not when I could feel my heart pounding in my ears, imagining the worst.
Nothing mattered but finding Emma.
Miles jogged up beside me and touched my elbow so I’d slow down. We walked a few steps in total silence, not looking at each other because our eyes were busy scanning the area for any glimpse of Emma.
“I know it’s not the time, but you’re being a total dick. You know that, right?”
I fumbled for some defensive excuse. “I—”
“No,” he cut me off, his tone deadly serious. “Nobody’s to blame for this. And you? You handled it like an asshole.”
The words struck harder than I expected, and I swallowed the lump in my throat. I knew he was right. I’d lashed out at Maren for something beyond her control. Panic had overridden reason, and the guilt and adrenaline collided in a way that made my stomach churn.
Will’s sharp voice cut through the tension. “There! She’s over there!”
I swiveled, heart hammering, and saw him running across the square, little fists pumping. Sadie tore after him. My lungs screamed at me to hold them back, to be careful, but I shut it down. I was running too.
He was right. Emma. Between the lambs, nestled in the center of the nativity scene outside Fenway Church, her cheeks streaked with tears, shivering in the cold. Her tiny backpack lay abandoned on the ground beside her.
Relief hit me like a wave, nearly knocking me to my knees.
I skidded to a halt and knelt beside her, voice rough. “Emma! It’s okay, I’ve got you.” She flung her arms around me, sobbing, repeating sorrys between gasps.
