“You sure you don’t want to sleep?” He looks over me with concern coloring his dark brown eyes. I don’t want his worry. I don’t want his anything other than a little bit of help.
“And leave me defenseless now? I don’t think so.” Am I lashing out to hurt him? Sure am. But I trusted him. Gave him every piece of me.
“Sasha, please understand, that I didn’t?—”
I stop him. “Want to admit that you are a much bigger thief than I could even dream of being?” I swallow down a lump, determined not to cry any more tears. Those are for silly girls. And the last of my innocence has been burned away.
“I’m worse than you in every way.”
I turn to him then, his words catching me off guard.
“Not only am I a bigger thief, but I’m also a completely selfish bastard. We both know that bastard is the truth. But instead of appreciating my family, I shut myself off to them, convinced they saw me as an outsider, when it was me who was holding myself apart the entire time.”
I know I shouldn’t allow myself any softness where he is concerned, but the words make me ache. They ring with a truth that wears at my resolve.
I try and harden myself again. He doesn’t deserve any sympathy from me.
“I meant what I said, Sasha. I’m yours. Body. Mind. Soul.” His hands flex on the bed. “I don’t deserve another chance, and I won’t ask for one, but I’m going to be here for you, helping you, protecting you for as long as I draw air into my lungs.”
I don’t even know what to say to that.
Spending time with him seems like more small cuts. Every time I look at him, I might just remember what a fool I am.
So I don’t answer as the doctor meets my eyes, giving me one of those smiles that doesn’t reach his eyes. “Those cuts will heal just fine. You won’t even have many scars. After that…” He rips a piece of paper off his pad and hands it to Dimitri. “Someone for her to talk to.”
“Thank you,” Dimitri says with a nod. The doctor leaves and silence falls. The Smith brothers have been busy cleaning up the mess.
Ryker lifts me in his arms, so they can remove the bloody bedding. I try to keep stiff, but I’m exhausted, so I settle for just not looking at him. He lays me back down, my bloody clothes pressing into the crisp, clean sheets.
I wish I hadn’t done it. Then again, I wish Ryker had been the man he seemed.
“You need a bath,” he says quietly. “We can keep your hands on the sides of the tub?—”
“Over my dead body,” Dimitri grits. “She’s coming with me.”
I close my eyes. I hardly have the strength for this. Then again, I can’t afford to be weak now. “Stop.”
“Sasha, I’m trying to protect you.”
I shake my head, glaring at my brother. “I think we’re past that. I’ll make my own choices and suffer the consequences, whatever they might be.”
Dimitri looks as though he might argue but then gives a quick jerk of his chin to agree.
I nod back, glad we understand, then I look at Ryker. “I think it’s time for you to go.”
I watch the color drain from his face, but I keep my heart hard. “No, baby, anything but that.”
I will not back down. But my chest aches to see him like this. That part of me that concedes, that wants to be loved more than I want to be right, rears up inside me. But it’s a wound. An insecurity that I cannot allow to be the decision maker.
“I can’t have you here, Ryker. Not when I know you don’t have my best interests at heart.”
“But I do.” He lays his hand on my stomach, my tank top and leggings still covered in blood. “I’ll stay out in the kitchen. Sleep on the couch. But Sver was just here last night, and I can’t leave you, Sasha. I’ll go mad if I don’t know that you’re safe.”
Is it my insecurity or are those words settling like a blanket over me? Or is this just his way to get back in my good graces because he’s not done fucking me over?
I look at Dimitri, who glares a hard stare back at Ryker.
But my eyes turn to Triston, who’s face doesn’t quite mask pain as he watches his brother.
