Page 72 of Cole for Christmas


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Partly because I’d just had thebestfuck of my life, and I was trying to wrap my head around what that meant going forward.

And partly because Colette’s phone was buzzing all night long. How she slept through the damned noise, I’d never know.

But a call came through just after midnight…

Josh

Young kid, blond, a wide and almost eerie looking smile.

Her ex.

The kind of man sheshouldbe with.

Not this asshole, that’s for sure. But someone full of life and grins and light. Someone who could match her chaos and glitter and off-key singing.

Not the ghost of a man, of an author who had forgotten how to smile.

Not me.

Hours later, the email confirmation glowed on my screen like something radioactive. The darkness of the night made my phone seem brighter than it was supposed to be.

Flight rebooked: December 25th, 10:25 A.M.

I stared at it far longer than I should have, thumb hovering over the power button of my phone before I finally killed the display. The light blinked out, but the guilt didn’t.

She was asleep in the bed behind me — bare shoulders, tangled hair, the kind of softness that didn’t belong in my life anymore. I’d told myself I was only checking the weather, that I’d just make sure the roads were passable before morning. But the moment I saw “AVAILABLE FLIGHT,” my fingers moved like they already knew what I was going to do.

Coward.

I’d written men like me before — men who wanted too much and then flinched from it. Always easier to give them a noble reason, something romantic and tragic.

He left to protect her.

But that wasn’t me.

I was leaving because staying scared me more than going.

She murmured in her sleep then, turning toward the sound of the wind. The blanket slipped lower, and I swear my heart stuttered. Everything about her was chaos in the gentlest form — the smell of sugar cookies still clinging to her hair, the faint shimmer of glitter at her collarbone from that damned lingerie.

I almost reached for her. Almost said screw it. But I knew how that story ended too. I’d let her believe I wasn’t going anywhere. I’d let her fall asleep safe. And in the morning, I’d tell her what I’d done.

Because I owed her the truth.

Even if it meant I’d lose her for good.

She was never mine to keep.

Even in the happiest endings of this story.

I was never meant to evenmeetColette Baxter. Fate had intervened and thrown her in my path at the worst, most inopportune moment.

And I was too much of a goddamn coward to even tell her goodbye.

“What’s that sound?” Her voice broke through my spiral, causing me to jolt. After a moment of listening, my heart twisted.

“Plows.”

“Oh,” was her only response. She reached for me, fingers brushing against my bare arm. I leaned towards her, pressing a kiss to her knuckles.