I take a deep, healing breath and stand up straight. For the first time, I notice that I have sex hair and sex face. On other women that might look sexy, but in my case, I just look like I electrocuted the left side of my head and then fell face-first onto a frying pan.
“You let him see you like this?” I ask my reflection. It’s as incredulous as I am. I turn on the tap and rinse off my face and wet my hair. I pat my face dry with a towel and run my fingers through my hair. There. I look refreshed and un-constipated, now. I almost feel ready to leave the bathroom and pretend I never had sex with Stone. I’m almost ready to go back to reality.
By this time, I really do have to pee. I push down Ruby’s pants and sit on the toilet seat. I rip off a handful of toilet paper and hum a Katy Perry song while I pee. Next to me, the shower curtain waves slightly, catching my eye.
That’s when I notice him in the bathtub.
CHAPTER 6
I continue to pee as I start to scream. It’s a slow motion kind of scream, like an old timey air raid siren. Behind the curtain is the definite form of a man. I don’t know why I didn’t notice him before. I must have been too focused on myself.
In the middle of my scream, he pulls the curtain back and lunges for me. It’s Rock Tucker, the escaped bank robber, who’s armed and dangerous. He might even have a chainsaw. Tucker is a middle aged man, tall with long hair stuck to his head and face in wet strips. He’s wearing an orange prison jumpsuit, which is soaking wet.
That’s all I can take in before my fight or flight response kicks in. I choose flight over fight. I jump off the toilet seat and pull up my pants in one movement. Rock misses when he lunges for me, but he catches up to me at the bathroom door, slapping his hands over mine, as I try to turn the doorknob, preventing me from opening the door.
“Wait, lady. Wait,” he says.
“Are you kidding? I’m not going to wait!”
“I won’t hurt you. I promise.”
I don’t believe him. I don’t see a chainsaw, but it can’t be far away. I scream, again, and he slaps his hand over my mouth.
My fight or flight response doubles down, and I decide to fight. All of the boxing and self-defense lessons that my father and brother taught me flash through my mind in a nanosecond, but I toss those memories aside for the more valuable lesson my mother taught me about fighting.
With every ounce of strength I have, I pull back my bent leg and kick it forward, kneeing Rock the chainsaw killer in the balls. It works. “Oomph!” he yells, letting go of the doorknob in order to clutch onto his privates. I open the door just as Stone has bounded up the stairs and is running right for me.
I wave my arms at him. “The other way! The other way!” I shout, running toward him. “Down the stairs. Go! Hurry!”
“But…” he starts.
“Hurry! Down the stairs!”
I run past him, pushing him out of the way, and he follows me, taking two steps at a time down the staircase. Heading for the front door, he stops, grabs my arm, and pulls me toward him. “Wait a second. What’s wrong? What happened?”
“The chainsaw killer was in the bathtub.”
“The bank robber.”
“The bank robber was in the bathtub.”
Stone searches my face for something. “Did he hurt you? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. I kneed him in his balls, but we’ve got to get out of here.”
“You stay here,” he says and turns back toward the stairs.
“Don’t go!”
“I’m going to kick his ass into next Tuesday.”
I run after him. “No, please don’t.”
“Don’t worry, Norma. He won’t get you. I’m going to kill him.”
I believe him. He looks ferocious, like the Incredible Hulk but tanned and a perfect ten, despite his bald spot where I burned his hair off. “But…” I start and burst into tears.
Concern washes over his face, and he clutches my shoulders. “Don’t worry,” he says softly. “He won’t hurt you. I’m going to destroy him.”
