Once Sabrina had told me we’d be spending the night together, normal had come to a screeching halt.
“There’s a last-minute family brunch tomorrow, and we have to stay the night. In the same hotel room. Or we’re going to tip her family off that we aren’t really together.”
“Hmm,” Jesse said after a long minute.
“Hmm? That’s all you’ve got?”
“Do you think you can handle it?”
“No. Why the fuck do you think I called you? I’m going to slip, Jess. Like I almost did years ago.”
“Wait, years ago? Are you telling me you’ve been in love with her since high school?”
“Not all through high school. Or at least, I didn’t know I was. Don’t tell Emily.”
A long silence passed between us before he burst out laughing.
“You really are an asshole.”
“I thought you had agreat system. Extra friends and all that bullshit.”
“For her, it was extra friends. Still is. She even said she didn’t want us to use each other like we did back then.”
“Why don’t you tell her that you wouldn’t be using her, and that you really never were? See what she says.”
“Then I lose her completely. I don’t want to do that. Tonight was supposed to be a big game. I wouldn’t be pretending to beinto her, but she didn’t have to know that. I’m afraid if we spend the night together, I won’t be able to hold it in.”
“I’m not sure what you want me to say. But I think you’re going to have to tell her before you give yourself an ulcer over it.”
“I don’t want to ruin tonight.”
Or everything.
“Didn’t someone tell me to just stop the games and go get the woman I loved not too long ago?”
“That was different.”
“No, Caden. It really wasn’t. Look, just go and have a good time. I’m sure you can find a way to get through tonight, but not forever.”
“I know. This isn’t sustainable. I won’t have a stomach lining left.”
“Yeah, I know that feeling all too well.” He chuckled. “And I’m glad you told me.”
Letting it all out calmed me enough to pull away from the curb and head to Sabrina’s. I was still clueless but calmer about it.
“I’m honestly glad I told you too. Or didn’t deny it when you guessed.”
“After dealing with all my problems for all these years, don’t keep yours to yourself. Whatever happens, I’m here just like you were always there for me. I mean, that doesn’t mean I’m not going to give you a load of shit for this, but I’ll keep your in-plain-sight-secret to myself and won’t say anything to anyone.
“Thanks.” I had to laugh. “You’re a good friend. Still an asshole, but a good friend.”
I ended the call, still frazzled but somehow a little lighter. Not only because someone else knew how I felt about Sabrina, but because I was finally facing the clarity I’d tried so hard to ignore.
I couldn’t love her and be only her friend. One would have to give, and tonight would be the test of how long I had until it would.
SIX
CADEN
