“He told me you had a good arm too,” I said as I fumbled for my keys. Bonnie had given a few of us a ride home. The girls had been excited and animated the whole way, talking about how cool it was to see some of the Brooklyn Bats at their game today.
Taylor smiled and nodded but didn’t say much. My poor sister was probably afraid of saying the wrong thing and looking like she knew Silas better than they did. It was enough for me to worry about not being too obvious if I spoke to Silas, and I hated that Taylor was feeling that same pressure.
“When did he tell you that? He didn’t even come over to talk to you.”
“We texted back and forth toward the end of the game,” I told her as I trudged up the stairs. “And I invited him over for dinner. I thought we’d order pizza.”
I glanced back at Taylor, my stomach clenching at possibly throwing too much at her at once. But when I found her gaze, her smile was as wide as her eyes.
“You were texting at the game? That issocute.”
Cute wasn’t the word I’d use to describe texting my secret boyfriend at her game because I couldn’t just walk over and say hi. Or kiss him hello.
The joke I’d made about him showing off what was mine had a little angry truth to it, as all I’d heard from the women around me was how hot Silas was, one mom whispering to us how she’d let him do “anything he wanted” to her.
I’d managed a tight smile without telling her to back the fuck off. After taking this long to meet a man I cared about, I hated that I couldn’t shout to the world how wonderful he was and that he was off-limits.
“It’s okay that I invited him over?”
“Why wouldn’t it be?” Taylor said, shrugging at me as she dropped her duffel bag by the door. “It’s not like he’s creepy like Mom’s boyfriend was.”
I stilled as my heart bottomed out in my stomach.
Like my grandmother, I’d never let one of my mother’s boyfriends into the house after Taylor was born, for that very reason.
“When did you meet one of Mom’s boyfriends?”
“A long time ago. When she used to come around and ask to take me for ice cream after school for a couple of weeks. I think it was, like, fourth grade, maybe.” Taylor’s brow scrunched.
“I remember,” I said, eyeing my sister. Mom had had a sudden interest in Taylor for a couple of weeks and had shown up to take her for ice cream a few times. I hadn’t wanted to upset my sister by refusing and starting an argument, so I’d let her go.
I didn’t think Mom would steal her away since she had no intention of taking care of her, but I’d still had my heart in my throat until they came back, the last time hiding around the corner to make sure they didn’t wander anywhere else after.
Most people would be able to say with at least a little certainty that their mother wouldn’t sell their little sister if shetook her outside. The fact that I had next to none was so sad it was laughable.
“The owner was her boyfriend. Or at least, a guy she liked. He’d give me a big cone, and I’d sit at the one table they had while he’d take her in the back. I was little, but I remember this weird skin-crawling type of feeling when he’d look at me.” Her face twisted in a grimace. “I can’t explain it.”
She didn’t have to.
“You never told me that,” I said, my voice strained from my heart hammering in my ears. I needed to call Aunt Lucy again to set up a meeting with her lawyer. I’d thought when Taylor was a kid, Mom wouldn’t want to parade a small child in front of a new guy, like how she’d kept the guys she dated away from me when I was younger. But I guessed if her kid was a means to an end, it had made it okay to her.
Having such a deep disdain for the woman who’d given birth to me was always a special kind of awful.
“Mom told me it was our secret, and back then, I still wanted to see her, so I didn’t want to get her into trouble with you. And the ice cream was good,” she said before raising her head, a tiny smile on her lips as if she was trying to calm me down. “But I’m glad she doesn’t bother with us anymore.”
I nodded despite the knot coiling tighter in my stomach.
The chime of the doorbell made me jump, the aggravation from what my sister had just told me distracting me enough to forget that my secret boyfriend was coming over for dinner.
“Nothing bad happened, Rach.” She grabbed my arm before I headed to the door. “Please don’t let her ruin things for you anymore.”
A lump poked at the back of my throat from my sister’s pleading gaze. Mom had taken enough from both of us. Having to sneak around with Silas was infuriating, but I didn’t wantto taint the time I’d get with him tonight by dwelling on what Taylor had just told me.
I was glad for him to get a chance to know my sister better tonight and to bring him all the way into my life, even if I couldn’t tell many people that he was there.
Unlike what could be brewing with my mother, my situation with Silas was a temporary annoyance, and all I could do at the moment was make the most of it.
I rushed down the stairs, trying to focus on that and not the rage at what my sister had just told me, shutting my eyes and taking a long breath before I opened the door.
