This city was full of ghosts and memories that could accost you at any moment. I’d run into a mean girl from high school at the supermarket checkout line one afternoon and had muttered an awkward hello to a college hookup on the subway one morning.
The thought of running into Silas one day hadn’t filled me with that same dread, even if it would be bittersweet as we’d never be more than a passing wave of hello. But now, if in an indirect way, he was a client.
Thanks to an employee’s affair with a client’s married CEO that had brought the agency awful press for a few months, fraternization with clients was now cause for automatic termination.
I pressed a hand to my chest and took in slow breaths as my heart hammered against my palm. My stomach rolled, both from how that one perfect night was not only now ruined, but that it could possibly cost me my job.
It was a stretch, but our management was very sensitive about professional relationships with clients. We’d had sex before he was a client—or before I’d known he was. Would that still count?
Holy shit, I was going to throw up on my seat.
“Rachel, hey,” Auden whispered, concern pinching her brow as she studied me. “What’s wrong? You look like you’re about to throw up.”
“That’s him,” I told her in a raspy whisper, not enough air in my lungs to give much sound to my words.
“Who is him—” Auden let out a gasp as her hand flew to her mouth. “That’syourSilas?”
I nodded, even though it was almost laughable to think of him asmySilas when I’d only learned his last name thirty seconds ago.
Auden fell back on the seat, blowing out a long breath.
“That is…” She trailed off, her eyes still wide when I turned my head.
“Fucked?” I coughed out a humorless laugh. “Pretty much.”
Gayle spoke about the new partnership and what our plans were, but I’d mostly tuned her out as my focus went to Silas, allthe clues about who he was crystallizing in my mind. Why his old job made him train so hard, why he was nervous about a career change, the Washington sweatshirt he’d given me before he’d put me into a cab.
I couldn’t help feeling a little violated, even though it wasn’t his fault. He’d stayed vague about his personal life, and at the time, I’d preferred it that way. I didn’t know what my part in the promotions for the Bats would be or if they’d even involve direct contact with Silas, but I’d see his face everywhere now. I could no longer romanticize the idea of him or what he could’ve been doing after I’d driven away from him that Friday morning.
Not only would I be unable to fight the temptation to look him up, I’d probably have to for work at some point.
When I’d expected regrets after leaving Silas’s hotel room, I’d thought they’d be the more emotional ones. I’d wax sentimental with the what-ifs and think of us as a star-crossed couple brought together by fate, even if I’d known at the time that we were simply two people insecure enough in our daily lives to use each other for an escape.
It had felt real enough, though, and wonderful.
If I had known then what I knew now, other than the threat of having to finance utilities and my sister’s social life with unemployment on light royalty months, I still didn’t regret what had happened between Silas and me.
I just dreaded what would happen next.
After Gayle shared more details I didn’t pay attention to, we all rose from our seats and headed into the interior of the stadium. I followed Auden, hoping she’d heard enough of what Gayle had said to be able to fill me in later.
The adrenaline was beginning to dissipate, and I was thankful to keep in step beside her without my legs shaking.
“Some of the concession stands look open.” Auden pointed to a pretzel and hot dog stand where a bunch of our team had already congregated. “Want to eat your feelings a little?”
“No, because they’ll just come back up,” I scoffed. “If I didn’t know Gayle would freak out, I’d fake a migraine and get out of here.”
“There she is!”
I clenched my eyes shut at the excited tone of Gayle’s voice behind me.
“Just the person I wanted to see,” she said, grasping my arm. “Come with me.”
I forced a smile and nodded, shooting Auden a look over my shoulder as Gayle weaved our way through the small crowd. Auden’s cringe as she watched me go didn’t help the churn of my stomach.
I’d hoped for some time to acclimate to this idea of working with Silas and his team or how to react when I saw him again. There was no time to prepare for any of this, and I could only pray I’d wing it enough to keep my job.
“We’ll talk more about this in the morning, but there is one thing I wanted you to get started on right away.” Gayle pulled me to the side. “And I realize I’m throwing this at you, but you’re my best writer.”
