“The first real choice I ever made about my own life was the day I told my coach to take me out of the running for the draftinto a professional league. I said I’d play out the rest of my time in school and work hard, but that wasn’t what I wanted to do once I graduated.” She shrugged. “Felt good.”
“I’m sure it did,” I squeezed her knee and drifted my thumb back and forth on her thigh. I never thought I could feel worse about hurting Emily when we were young, but the lost look in her eyes cut me so deep I couldn’t look at her for a moment.
“I dated. For fun, since I didn’t have time for anything else in college. I was even engaged once. I made it all the way to the last deposit on the wedding venue before I broke it off.”
“What happened?” I asked more out of curiosity than jealousy, although the thought of another man’s ring on her finger turned my stomach.
“He told me he’d changed his mind about having kids. But it shouldn’t matter to me if I really wanted to marry him. That it shouldn’t be a deal-breaker because if I loved him, he should be enough.”
She lifted her gaze from the floor and shook her head.
“He wasn’t. If we tried and it didn’t happen, that was one thing. But if I went ahead and married him, knowing that something I’d always wanted was automatically off the table, it would feel like another concession. And I’d had enough of those.” She sniffled before exhaling a long gust of air. “Alone felt better than settling. And that’s what it had seemed like I’d be doing if I married him.”
“Do you still speak to him?”
“Oh no,” she scoffed, her chest rumbling with a laugh. “He called me a cold bitch and told me good luck being anyone’s mother.”
“I’ll kick his ass if you tell me where he lives.”
She patted my hand where it still rested on her thigh.
“It’s not worth it, and he was right. We were together for a couple of years, and while that’s something he should have beenup front about earlier, it shouldn’t have been the reason for me to walk away and not even be that sad over it. Maybe there is something wrong with me.”
“There is not one fucking thing wrong with you.”
“I told you I had baggage.” She smiled, lifting a shoulder. “You remember high school Emily. She was a lot less complicated than this one is, Jess.”
“No, she wasn’t.” I cupped her neck. “She’s still beautiful from the inside out. I see you with Maddie and with all the kids on the team, and you loved my sister. Your heart is too big for you not to be an amazing mother if that’s what you want.”
I peeled her hand off her leg and brought it to my lips.
“It’s big enough for you to take care of your pathetic ex-boyfriend when he was so drunk he still doesn’t remember everything that happened that night. You’re the complete opposite of a cold bitch, and I never want to hear you say that again.”
“Either way,” she said, her hand limp against mine, “I’m alone. It’s what I wanted, right? I work alone, I live alone. And if anything happens to that ornery lady back there,” she said, her voice cracking, “I’ll really be alone. I guess I’m just now realizing howlonelyalone is.”
“You’re not alone.” I crouched in front of her so she’d have nowhere to look but at me. “You have me. Since that first day and, whatever you decide, for the rest of my life. As long as I’m alive, you aren’t alone.”
Big tears snaked down her cheeks, but her expression didn’t change. Our eyes stayed locked until we turned to the buzz of her cell phone on the seat next to her.
“Sabrina is FaceTiming me,” she said, squinting at her phone. She swiped her cheeks with the back of her hand before she tapped the screen. “Hey, everything okay?”
“We are all okay.” Sabrina’s voice was garbled as she moved the phone around. “The kids just wanted to say hi.”
I took a seat next to Emily to see the screen. Maddie and all the other kids on the team waved their hands and screamed their hellos at once.
“Don’t worry, Coach Emily,” Maddie said after she pulled the phone toward herself. “We’re going to win for you.”
Emily snuck me a smile.
“Thank you, Maddie. That means a lot to me, but I just want you to do your best and have a good time today.”
The camera dropped to the grass before Caden’s face filled the screen.
“Don’t worry about a thing, Em. Sabrina and I have this covered. And listen,” he whispered as he brought the phone closer. “I’ve been watching the other team practice, and if we just trip the big kid, I think we can clear the way?—”
“No!” Emily yelled. “Jesus, Caden, they’re kids.”
“This one looks like he’s got a five-o’clock shadow. Does anyone check their birth certificates?”
