What we had together wasn’t due to age, innocence, or puppy love.
It was just us.
18
EMILY
I pulledJesse’s shirt on, pressing my nose to the collar and taking a greedy inhale before I smoothed it down. Just like when I used to keep a collection of Jesse’s hoodies, I had to roll up the sleeves. I had never been a tiny girl, but Jesse’s clothes always dwarfed me. It had been my favorite thing whenever I’d wear anything of his, like I had Jesse draped all over me and, as usual when it came to anything from him, I couldn’t get enough.
Guys had come and gone since Jesse, but I’d never worn another man’s clothes, even the one I’d lived with and almost married. If I looked back with an honest gaze, I’d probably catch a lot of little ways that I’d been intimate with Jesse but wouldn’t consider with anyone else.
As I grew older and wiser, I’d kept anyone trying to love me at a long arm’s length but had never realized I was doing it. On the few rare moments I’d let my guard down, I’d been blindsided and hurt enough to keep a permanent distance.
Now, I was jumping back into the risk I’d avoided for most of my life. It wasn’t that I didn’t believe Jesse or that I thought he’d ever hurt me on purpose. Even though it was hard for me to accept, I now understood that back then the only reason he’d been so cruel was because he’d thought he had no choice.
As sincere as I knew he was, or as he thought he was, he still had issues to sort out. And while one therapy appointment was a step in the right direction, it wasn’t an instant cure.
What if I agreed to another chance, only for Jesse to decide later that was too much?
I’d already fallen hard for both Jesse and his niece. Even while trying to stay away, I worried about him and constantly had to fight the urge to ask what he needed and how I could help.
I hadn’t decided whether that was because we were meant to be or I just couldn’t let go.
I headed downstairs and spotted new pictures on the wall behind the couch. I leaned in, kneeling on one of the cushions to get a closer look. I was familiar with the one in the middle of the wall. Jesse wore a cap and gown as he draped his arm around an eight-year-old Tessa. Had I not been there and taken the photo, it would have been impossible to tell if it was Tessa or Maddie by Jesse’s side. I’d never seen a mother and daughter so identical.
One was more recent, with an adult Tessa beaming at the camera next to her brother. She was gorgeous and so tall, not much shorter than her well-over-six-feet brother. I tried to picture the little girl who’d loved to climb on my lap possibly a head taller than me. My heart broke for Jesse all over again as I fixated on the photo. Their love for each other was so evident, it was palpable.
No wonder his grief ran so deep.
“Are they crooked?” Jesse joked.
“I don’t remember these photos when I was here last time,” I told him, still scanning the wall. “Not that I had time to really take anything in while trying to get you in bed before you puked or passed out.”
He laughed and came up behind me, resting his chin on my shoulder.
“Those are new. I only hung them up this week.”
“Tessa was always so beautiful.” I pointed to the photo of Tessa, Jesse, and Maddie at what looked like her college graduation. “She grew up stunning.”
“She did. These photos were my first therapy assignment.” He wrapped his arm around my waist. “Part of why…I was the way I was last week is that I haven’t allowed myself to talk about her much, so Maddie didn’t feel like she could either. I have more to put up. These are just the first batch.”
“I’m glad it went well,” I said, turning to sit on the cushion.
“It’s only the first appointment.” He plopped down next to me. “I should have started going on my own when I first took Maddie. Maybe a lot could have been avoided.”
“Maybe, maybe not. I’m still proud of you for going at all.”
“Thanks,” he said, picking up my hand and lacing our fingers together. “I’m glad you still feel a little pride for me after finding me such a hot fucking mess last week.”
“Well,” I said, my dopey heart fluttering as Jesse skimmed his finger up and down my palm. “You did tell me you wanted to be mygood boy.”
His head snapped up. “I said that? Jesus Christ.” He pressed our joined hands to his forehead. “Please don’t tell me any more.”
“It’s fine. I let you say whatever you wanted to keep you upright.” I slipped my hand from Jesse’s and stood from the couch.
He gave me a tiny smile, his eyes searching my face.
“What?” I flitted my eyes down my body. “Do I have it on backward or something?”
