“That, and how Emily was too hot for me.” I shrugged. “So?”
“We all had drama left and right, as you can recall. How Sabrina and I became— Anyway, I’m losing my point. Even my immature teenage ass understood why you never broke up. You fit. It was that simple.”
“Until it wasn’t,” I muttered and drained the rest of my coffee.
“That’s the thing. Itis. Get out of your head and fight for her. Before someone else does.”
14
EMILY
“Have you been online today?”Sabrina asked, her eyes dancing as she ran over to me on the field. We only had a few games left and we were about even in wins and losses, but the kids were having fun and so was I. Soccer had once again become my joy, albeit for different reasons.
“I haven’t,” I said as I threw my bag behind our bench. “What did I miss?”
I’d avoided Jesse other than short texts and quick small talk at practice this week, but the thought of how I’d found him still upset me, and I was still worried sick over him. I’d believed him when he’d promised never to drink alone like that again, and I hoped what had happened last weekend had shocked him enough to deal with his grief rather than bury it for both his and his niece’s sake.
When I wasn’t worrying about Jesse, thoughts of finishing what we’d started played on an endless loop in my brain, along with what I would have done if he’d asked me to touch him and kiss him when he was sober—when I wouldn’t have to wonder if he really meant it.
Not that I didn’t believe he’d meant it. Drinking had loosened his inhibitions, but the pure lust in his eyes was real. So real,when I closed my eyes at night, it haunted me. I could still feel his arms around me, thicker and stronger than when we were young, clutching me like a lifeline. My fingertips tingled with the memory of tracing his broad shoulders when he’d pulled me on top of him, groaning into my mouth as it was glued to his.
Jesse and I could never just be friends. The pull between us was too strong, but friendship was the only thing on the table because he’d said he couldn’t offer anything else, and I didn’t know if that would ever change.
I’d spent a lot of time, more than I cared to remember, waiting for Jesse. For the first few weeks after our breakup, I’d still expected him to come to my house and take it back. I’d even searched for him in the stands during my first few college games, wishing for a romance-novel-worthy reunion where I’d run into his arms and he’d tell me he couldn’t live without me.
Then I’d stopped waiting—for him or anyone else. He’d always have a big piece of my heart, but I’d needed to guard the rest of it.
“First of all, you didn’t tell me you met with Sharon.”
“I didn’t. Not really. We spoke over video one night for maybe fifteen minutes. She said she wanted to pick my brain for something she was working on about female entrepreneurs.”
“Well, she highlighted you in a post across all her platforms. It ended up in my Facebook feed because she tagged you. And the funniest part, she took one of our high school yearbook pictures and photoshopped it to look like you’re posing like besties.” She handed me her phone.
“Ten thousand likes already?” I said, bringing the phone closer. “Oh wow. Raina Nello liked the post.”
“Who’s that?”
“She was on the US World Cup team back in the nineties. My grandfather always cut out articles that mentioned her and would show them to me. She was an Italian American womanand a soccer star, and because I played and was half Italian American, he felt she was relevant to my interests.” I laughed, a little breathless from being starstruck. He’d brought her to my attention, but I’d followed her career throughout college, even when I’d decided not to try to go professional.
“And I recognize that picture. That was the photo we all took on the lawn for graduation.” I tapped the screen with the tip of my nail. “Remember when they made us assemble into the numbers of our year to take an overhead shot? She ended up behind me, and I remember her complaining about not being more in front.”
“She edited out an entire crowd? I am super impressed. She’s got skills.” She took back the phone and angled the screen to her face. “It’s a nice piece, though. I could see you getting a lot of new clients from this.”
“I’m busy enough, and I like to get new clients by word of mouth. But I guess it’s nice of her to do, regardless of her angle.”
“It was the best laugh as I got ready for today.” She slid her phone back into the pocket of her leggings. “I was hoping it would cheer you up.”
“I don’t need cheering up. I’m fine.”
She pursed her lips and nodded. I’d ended up at her apartment the morning after I’d taken Jesse home and spent the night. She’d listened to the whole sordid story and, to her credit, had stayed mostly stoic without forcing any advice because, really, what was there to say? Either we addressed what was between us, or we stayed away from each other for another twenty years or for good this time.
But she’d been hovering a little over the past week, as if she was waiting for me to finally break.
I was close but keeping it to myself.
“I mean it,” I told her, trying to infuse my voice with the confidence I didn’t have. “Really.”
“Okay, fine,” she said, nodding to the corner by the bench. “The kids are already lined up. I love how they’re trained.”
