I ran the water until it was cold enough to shock me and brushed my teeth to get rid of the rancid taste of stale whiskey. I met my bloodshot gaze in the mirror. My eyes were rimmed with dark circles and deep crinkles in the corners. My outsides looked as screwed up as my insides felt, exhausted and barely holding my shit together.
I smoothed out my sheets to start making the bed when another memory hit me. Emily’s mouth on mine as she writhed on top of me, my hands coasting up and down her back and pressing her beautiful body into mine.
Fuck.The missing, broken parts of last night slowly came back to me, and while I couldn’t tell what did or didn’t happen as it all pieced together, that kiss was real. I could still taste her as I swirled my tongue inside her mouth, swallowing her soft moans as I wove my hand into her hair and held her mouth on mine with all the strength I’d had left.
And she’d kissed me back.
The rest of the night might have been a drunken blur, but there was no way my whiskey-soaked brain had conjured that up. I could still feel her, her full breasts pressing into my bare chest, grinding her hips against me as her core rubbed against my aching cock.
Every part of my body had ached for Emily for what seemed like my entire life. When I’d begged her to kiss me, it had been my soul talking, not my alcohol-fogged brain. My drinking binge had cost me the barrier of common sense. Now that I had it back, I had no clue where to go from here.
I needed to apologize for not being in my right mind and making her uncomfortable with the inappropriate things I’d said and the sloppy way I’d hung on to her as she’d dragged me home.
But I had no regrets about that kiss or a single second of her in my arms.
And now, along with everything else that had poured out of me last night, I had to face what that meant.
I pulled on my shirt and shorts when I heard my front door open and close. My chest tightened as I made my way down the stairs. I’d figure out what to say to Emily as soon as I found the guts to look her in the eye.
“Morning, sleepyhead,” Emily said as she tossed my keys into the glass bowl I kept by the door. “Your car is parked safely in your driveway. Caden said he’s picking up the greasiest breakfast he can find and coming back soon.”
She came up to me, a small smile lifting her lips, the lips that still tempted me just as much in the cold light of day. I had a shit-ton to unpack, but I wasn’t confused about how I felt. It scared me enough to run from it, just like when I was a teenager, but it was time to face that, along with everything else.
“How are you feeling?” she asked, trailing her gaze over me and lingering on my mouth. Something flashed across her face before she blinked and took a half step back.
Her quick retreat was all the confirmation I needed that the kiss had really happened, and I hoped the blush running down her neck meant she thought it was as good as I did.
Because when I let my mind go there, it wasreallyfucking good.
“Better than I deserve. Thank you for getting me home last night.”
“You’re welcome. I’m glad I was there, but I’m still scared of what could have happened if I hadn’t been.” She shook her head, her mouth pulled down. “You can’t do that again. Please don’t make me worry about you. Caden is worried too, but I’m sure you’ll hear about it over breakfast,” she said, lifting an eyebrow.
“I won’t, and I can promise you that. Can you sit for a minute to talk?” I motioned to the living room behind me. “Take a seat on the couch. Please.”
She nodded and followed me to the couch.
“Maddie picked this couch, or you just picked something purple?” Emily asked as she slid her hand along the soft material.
“She picked the picture off the computer, and I ordered it. Along with the rest of the purple you see scattered around the house. I guess I told you that last night?” I took a seat on the other side of the couch and rested my elbows on my knees.
“Among other things.” I caught a grimace before she nodded.
I wanted to take her hand, but I’d crossed too many boundaries in the past day already. Instead, I inched toward her.
“I am so sorry. A lot of last night is fuzzy, but I remember enough to know that I was completely out of line. You were trying to help me, and I didn’t make it easy. I never would have acted that way had I been in my right mind, please know that.”
“Jesse,” she sighed. “Of course I know that. I’m just really worried about you. I know Tessa’s birthday hit you hard, and probably the next milestones without her will too. But drinking alone like that? I know you wouldn’t have gotten into your car, but someone could have robbed you or worse. I hated seeing you that vulnerable.”
Her brows drew together as she moved a hesitant inch toward me and grabbed my hand.
“I know you think keeping yourself isolated is the way to focus on Maddie, but you’re hurting too. It’s like when they say on airplanes to put your own oxygen mask on first before you help anyone else. You need to be able to breathe, Jesse. And I don’t think you are.”
“I know.” I nodded. “It’s why I’m going to find a therapist this week.” I squeezed her hand back.
“I am very glad to hear that.” She smiled, wide and breathtaking enough for me to have to look away. “I’m sureCaden has other things to say, but as long as you promise me it won’t happen again, I’ll let it go.”
“Wait,” I said, pulling her hand toward me when she stood. “I want to talk about something else. And I think you may know what.”
