It was a holiday weekend, so there was no game tomorrow.
“Distraction from tomorrow?”
He nodded, crumpling his face. He blinked away whatever had just come over him and tilted his head back, sucking up the last drops of liquor.
“They’ll be back in the morning, so we can all go to the cemetery later.”
My stomach sank even more.
“To see Tessa?”
“Yep. I have to go home and look for a shovel to bury the cupcake Maddie and my mother baked. At least I don’t have to set my alarm to call so early in the morning this year to make sure I’m the first one to tell my baby sister happy birthday. I was the first every fucking year, you know. I guess I still could, wenever shut her phone off, but she won’t answer. Be spooky as shit if she did, right?”
His head fell back, a hysterical and eerie laugh falling from his lips.
Shit.
Tomorrow was Tessa’s birthday, the first one her family would celebrate without her. He’d probably come here to be numb or grieve for his sister without her daughter or anyone else watching. Either way, my heart cracked right down the middle for this broken and devastated big brother who seemed to have finally had enough of pretending through his pain.
“Jesse, I’m so sorry.”
“I know you’re sorry,” he clipped. “Everybody’s sorry. Instead of singing ‘Happy Birthday’ to her like I’ve done every year since she was born, I have to visit her headstone instead. It’s fucking unfair, Emily.” I caught a quiver in his chin when his voice cracked.
“I agree,” I said, rubbing my hand up and down his back. “It’s very fucking unfair.”
He dropped his head into his hands, and I couldn’t tell if his shaky breaths were from rage or tears.
“Excuse me,” I called to the bartender, waving the arm that I wasn’t using to keep Jesse from falling over. “Can we settle his bill? Quickly?” I jerked my head to Jesse and raged at the bartender’s nonchalant nod. I had no idea how much he’d had to drink, and I guessed since it was becoming crowded, they couldn’t police everyone. Still, a man almost sliding off his seat should’ve been cut off a while ago.
I propped my purse onto the bar and dug out my credit card, flinging it at the bartender when he set the bill in front of us.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to throw it. I just need to get him home.”
Sympathy flitted over his features as he furrowed his gray brow at us.
“No problem,” he said. “I’ll run this now, and you can be on your way.” He darted his eyes from Jesse to me. “Do you need help?”
“Hopefully not if you run the card in the next five minutes.” I barked out a nervous chuckle, adjusting Jesse’s arm around my neck.
Jesse wasn’t a bulky guy—his body was nothing but lean muscle as he pressed it against me—but he was well over six feet tall. I needed to pile him into my car and get him through his front door as soon as possible because I couldn’t carry him alone if he lost consciousness.
“All right, Jess. Let’s go. You’re coming home with me.”
“Now you’re talking,” he said, a lazy smirk on his lips as he slipped an arm around my waist again. I was worried enough about him not to be so light-headed at his body flush against mine. And if hanging on me like this would help get him home quicker, he could rub up against me wherever and however he wanted.
I’d register all the inappropriate sensations ping-ponging through me later.
“We’ll figure out a way to get your car tomorrow morning. It’s early enough that you can sleep this all off before tomorrow,” I told him as we trudged to my car. “You’ll most likely feel like shit, but you’ll be awake.”
“Oh, Legs. You always worried about me too much.”
“I’m freaked out about what would have happened if I hadn’t been here tonight and seen you, but that’s a conversation I need to have with sober Jesse,” I said, propping him up against the side of my car to get the passenger door open. “Right now, I need to get this one into bed.”
“I’ve been dreaming about being in bed with you for most of my life. That sounds great to me,” he whispered, his lips soft and wet as his words fanned hot against my neck. He was drunk and clueless about what was falling out of his mouth, but the heat in his eyes had a raw honesty to it.
One I couldn’t entertain tonight and, after getting a glimpse of how he was really suffering, maybe never.
I thanked God when he managed to climb in without my help.
