I pushed off the couch, grabbing my phone to head upstairs.
“Wait.” Jesse caught me by the crook of my elbow. “If I wasn’t in the picture, would you say no just like that?”
“I don’t know. It’s a big ask, and there’s my mother to think about. It’s a lot, like I said. A big opportunity?—”
“A huge opportunity. Don’t make me that guy, Em.”
“What guy?” I finally turned around, afraid to look Jesse in the eye and darting my eyes everywhere but at him.
“The one who holds you back. The one I never wanted to be. Do I want you to go when it feels like I just got you back? No. I don’t.”
He brought me into his arms, his hand in my hair as he pulled me to him.
“But do I want you to just say no and regret it someday? Absolutely not.”
“How do you know I’d regret it?”
His chest jerked with a chuckle.
“When Sharon said her name, your face lit up like the most beautiful Christmas tree.” He ran his knuckle across my jaw.“Plus, your grandfather liked her too. He always did right by me, so I don’t want you to let him down.”
“Are you kidding? He’d love this.” I rubbed my eyes, my nose burning at how he really would have loved it and would have wanted an introduction. “I’ll deal with this tomorrow. Now that Maddie is at your parents’ house for the night, let’s head to bed early.” I slipped out of his arms, not looking back as I walked upstairs.
The epic night of loud sex we’d had planned seemed doubtful, so I grabbed one of Jesse’s T-shirts and headed to the bathroom. I took extra time getting ready for bed, Jesse’s scent along the cotton collar making me feel even worse.
I burrowed onto my side after I climbed into Jesse’s bed, not hopeful for any kind of sleep. We weren’t the kids we used to be, but I couldn’t help thinking back to the night he’d broken up with me. He’d seemed fine the day before, and then, all of a sudden, he’d decided having me so far away was too much for him.
Teenagers were known for not thinking clearly and living by impulse, but while Jesse had matured since then, he had other things on his plate now to alter his judgment. We were insanely happy, but it still felt like we were maintaining a delicate balance sometimes. He was in therapy, his niece still had the occasional nightmare, and some days, I knew he was trying his best to appear like he was holding it together when he was just exhausted.
How could I leave him? Or her? What if Jesse didn’t want me to hurt Maddie, so he cut me off? Two hours ago, I never would have believed it was possible, and now I was terrified of it.
“Hey,” Jesse whispered as the bed dipped behind me. “I’ve never heard you breathe so hard while you were lying this still.”
“I guess my body is still, but my head is racing.” I tried to joke, the dull tone in my voice making it fall flat.
“If I had to guess—” he looped his arm around my waist and rolled me onto my back “—you’re probably thinking I’m going to freak out again and run.” He raised a brow when I didn’t answer.
“It may have crossed my mind a little.” I turned my head, sinking my cheek into the pillow when a lump scratched at the back of my throat. Losing Jesse now would be so much worse than when I’d lost him back then. I both couldn’t fathom it and couldn’t stop thinking about it.
He draped his hand over my throat, pressing his finger into my cheek to turn my gaze to his. Inching down and holding my eyes, he pressed his lips to mine, slow and sensual, his tongue swirling with mine in lazy strokes as if he was trying to savor the taste of us.
“You’re the love of my life. I knew that back when I was fourteen, even if it scared the shit out of me.”
“I knew it too.” My voice cracked, already laced with tears.
“So.” He rolled on top of me, sliding his arm under my waist, and pulled me closer. “My only question is, are you going to come back to me?”
“Of course.”
I blinked away tears at his slow grin.
“Then that’s all I need.”
26
JESSE
“Areyou going to be close to Disneyland?”
