I’d never blamed Nate for not wanting the obligation of a sick partner. Not everyone was built for the ups and downs and frightening uncertainty. It took massive amounts of unconditional love to commit to someone with a chronic illness, and if the roles were reversed, I wouldn’t have been so callous about it. But I understood the weight of extra responsibility.
I also knew that if I ever told Landon that I was a burden, he’d be furious and refuse to hear it. If he had an illness that meant I might have to take care of him someday, I wouldn’t think twice about it. He was my person, as essential to me as the air in my lungs that I’d been trying to gulp in for the past day and the blood in my veins.
Landon was the one thing in my life that I couldn’t live without. While it was beyond my control, I felt like the shittiest person alive for being the reason he was missing getting an award tonight and whatever he had planned for us after. I knew he’d never leave my side and would be angry if I ever suggested it, but I hated the concessions he was making now and the possibilities of what he might miss out on in the future because of me.
I opened my eyes, forgetting where I was for a minute when I wiped at my nose and almost dislodged my oxygen. I turned toward the whoosh of the IV in my arm and pressed my palm against the scratchy blanket to sit up.
“Hey, darlin’,” Landon crooned, leaning over the bed rail. “Glad you got some sleep.”
His warm smile still made me want to weep. I nodded, falling back when the room spun around me.
“Hey, take it easy.” He grabbed my arm and eased me back on the mattress. “Want something to drink?”
“Okay,” I rasped. My voice was still sandpaper but at least not as breathless. I lifted my head to Landon, his hair still a disheveled mess as he poured a cup of water.
“Here. Sip.” He lifted a brow at me as he held the cup to my lips. My chin quivered as I took small sips of water, the drops just enough to wet my tongue and cool my throat.
“Your bedside manner is stellar, husband,” I joked, my voice laced with more tears.
I’d done so much crying since I’d been checked in, I was sure that was the cause of my dull headache. At first, it was fear, especially when I couldn’t breathe and Landon and my mother were so far away. Once the doctor had found the water on my lungs and explained what was going on, it wasn’t as frightening, but frustrating as fuck that I couldn’t do something as simple as take in a breath without struggling.
“I’ll give you a full examination when you’re better.” He winked and set down the cup.
“I’m so sorry,” I blurted out as weak tears snaked down my cheeks. “I ruined everything—”
“What did I tell you about that?” The sly grin faded from his lips as he glowered at me. “I couldn’t care less about the award right now.”
“But you had something planned after, and you sounded so excited—”
“Babe, please stop this,” he said, taking my face in his hands. “You got sick. It’s not like you stood me up.” His lips curled as he shook his head at me.
“Iamsick. And it’s a lot on you, and I hate making you miss out on—”
“Julie,” he said, narrowing his eyes as his jaw clenched. “The only thing I care about or willevercare about is you. I don’t think you understand how much I love you, or how fucking useless I’d be if…”
His throat worked as he held my gaze.
“You are everything to me, wife. Every. Fucking. Thing. And all that matters is that you get better. I’m not going anywhere. Ever. I can’t make it without you.”
He swiped his cheek with the back of his hand.
“And my plans after aren’t canceled. Just postponed. You didn’t ruin a thing, so cut it out.”
I turned my head and kissed the inside of his palm.
“Okay. If you say so.” His lips curved up when I lifted my head. “You can at least go home and change. You must be exhausted.”
“I’ll get a ride home later to drop off my stuff and change and come right back.”
“If my phone isn’t dead, text Karen. She said she’d come back to take you home.”
“I called someone else.”
“Who?”
“Hey, guys! Are we interrupting anything?”
I whipped my head around to Dean’s voice. Maria trailed behind him, looking me over with a watery smile.
