As if he could sense me behind him, Landon craned his neck to the entrance, a slow smile creeping across his lips. “I was beginning to think you were standing me up,” he said, flashing a wide grin when our eyes met. “I’ll buy you a drink, and you can tell me all about how I’m overreacting that something is wrong.” He stood, motioning to the barstool next to him.
“It’s only five after six. Relax. So how much crystal do you think this hotel has?” I nodded to what appeared to be a rhinestone shower curtain lining half of the bar. “The blown glass in the lobby is gorgeous, but that’s a little Vegas gaudy, don’t you think?”
“I’d hazard that this hotel is one of the least gaudy on the Strip, but I guess they add flash where they can to stay on-brand. And with that dodge, now you really have me worried.”
I took in a slow breath and leaned my elbows onto the counter, straightening when I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror behind the bar. I hadn’t realized my flowy silk blouse cut so low until I noticed my breasts plumping over the neckline. The extra weight was good, especially when dropping it so quickly had made my boobs sag like deflated balloons.
Full was good, and full meant healthy, but I hadn’t gotten used tofullquite yet. After all I’d gone through, it seemed vain to focus on the changes to my appearance when my insides could have been—and could be—a lot worse. It was difficult to get used to my new life when I didn’t recognize myself anymore.
“Just talk to me. Please.”
“What can I get you?”
I turned my head toward the bartender, uneasy under the scrutinizing heat of Landon’s stare in my periphery.
“Just a ginger ale. Thank you.”
“That’s all?” His brows pulled together when I turned back to him.
“I haven’t eaten yet and want to have my one drink with dinner.”
“One drink? Why can you only have one drink?”
“Jesus, Landon. Do we all have to be drunk all day? This isn’t like when we were here in college.”
“No, but why can you have onlyonedrink? Are you feeling all right?”
“I’m fine,” I said, my reply clipped and cold enough to make Landon flinch.
“Hey, I’m sorry.” I draped my hand over his. “I didn’t mean to snap at you. I’m on medication and it’s still new, so I’d rather keep it to one drink at dinner.”
“Medication for what? Antibiotics?”
I cupped my forehead and rubbed my temple, shutting my eyes for a moment. My diagnosis was new enough to not seem that real yet, even though it had been a relief when the awful way I was feeling had been given a name. I’d been told I was lucky, but lucky was the opposite of how I felt every time I relayed this story.
“Remember in February, not too long after I saw you, I was sick in bed with a fever for a week?”
He held my eyes, bobbing his head in a slow nod. “I remember it took you a long time to shake it.”
“Ididn’tshake it. I told you and my parents that I was feeling better, when I felt worse every single day. The fevers kept coming, then everything hurt so much I could barely climb the subway steps to go to work. Getting through a normal day was torture. My boss let me work from home half the week, which helped, but not much.”
“I knew something was off,” he whispered, shaking his head. His dark eyes were full of concern that tightened the ever-present knot in my stomach. “But you insisted you were just tired. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“What could you do?” I shot him a sad smile and shrugged. “I was tested for every single disease they could think of, and it was all negative. I figured this was my life now until I saw a lupus medication commercial one day while I was in and out of sleep on my couch.”
“Lupus?” He pinched his brows together. “I’ve heard of it, but I don’t know what it is.”
“I didn’t really know what it was either, but some of the symptoms the commercial listed sounded familiar. I figured that was one thing they didn’t test me for, so why not ask them to? Turns out, that’s exactly what it was.”
My gaze flicked to his, his eyes glossy as he barely blinked.
“Is it…is it serious?” His voice was a gravelly whisper, the sad fear in his eyes a reminder of why I hadn’t had this conversation with him sooner.
“It’s…chronic. But it has the potential to be serious. My immune system doesn’t act the way it should, and it’s something I’ll have to live with and watch for on a permanent basis, but I’m happy it has a name.” I forced a smile across my lips, my stomach sinking when Landon didn’t smile with me.
“But I promise, now I reallyambetter.” I picked his hand back up and squeezed. “I found a good doctor, and once she put me on a treatment plan, I started to improve almost immediately. I’m on steroids now—low dose, but I started high, which is why you probably notice the big cheeks and wider curves.” I glanced down at my body. “I didn’t want you to see my face, especially at the beginning when I was on such a high dose.”
I blew out my cheeks, trying to make him laugh, while holding back a wince at how that wasn’t really an exaggeration of how I’d looked.
