“Inever thought I’d be so happy to be on a Zoom call.”
I laughed, both at my friend Kaitie’s beaming smile in her video thumbnail and how sadly true it was. The meeting with the recruiter went well, and for the first time since the layoff, my professional life didn’t seem as bleak. I planned to pay bills this afternoon and balancing my checkbook would probably suck that joy right out of me, but it was nice to be hopefulinstead oflessfor once.
As I was gathering my portfolio and references to send to the recruiter as a follow-up, my former boss had texted me to see if I was available for the next few weeks to work on a project with our old team. It was part time, but the hourly rate was decent, and we would all work remotely. I’d texted back yes before I’d even finished reading his message, so grateful to grasp back a tiny piece of normal, even if it was temporary.
The positive shift in energy today had a smile plastered on my face too. I welcomed the new purpose and distraction from thinking about my fake husband and dissecting why I swooned over his “Good morning, wife” text. We’d been texting each other good morning on most days for years, and Landon and I didn’t swoon over each other.
But we also hadn’t done a lot of things before this weekend.
I’d need more than a single night’s sleep to acclimate to it all, although I was hopeful that would do the trick. For the moment, I’d attribute the butterflies during our phone call this morning to an aftershock of kissing for the first time and getting fake married.
The kissing affected me more than the notion I had a husband in North Carolina that no one knew about. We agreed the marriage was an arrangement, and it was all a joke until I had the best kiss of my life after I said I do.
After my colleagues and I were briefed on the project, we all spent the rest of the time catching up. Kaitie and Sierra were my favorite designers to work with. I had been their supervisor at our old job, but we were friends and had a good dynamic when we’d worked together. I missed the days of drinks after work before I’d become…who I was now.
I’d decided to stop using the wordsickafter I came home yesterday. Sick was what I’d been back in February. Now I was just different. But different didn’t have to mean less.
I needed to stop living behind the boundaries I’d created for myself. Yes, I had limits and new things to worry about, but none of that applied today. I’d do my best to push that off to the side until it did.
Healthwise, I felt great and more like myself than I had in a long time. I was thrilled to be able to work from home, but seeing my coworkers again gave me wistful memories of overpriced Manhattan lunches and gossip over Starbucks runs.
“Sorry, I’m late!”
A new thumbnail popped up, and Elyse’s face filled the screen. I stifled a groan as I caught Sierra’s quick eye roll. Elyse was also on our old team and a decent designer, but she was just so…much. She always had drama and an issue that she had to come in late or leave early for but would brag about the little work she’d managed to do. I’d snapped at her when I was feeling really ill to just do her job without telling everyone how great she was at it, and I’d had to endure a long call with HR afterward about managing different personalities and how some were more sensitive than others.
“I told Frank I’d join you guys later since I had a call about another job. I just can’t keep up with all the interviews after posting to only one site last week! I mean, I’m so grateful, but it’s tiring.”
Before Elyse joined the call, we’d been discussing how job searching online felt like shouting into a void where no one could hear you. But of course, her résumé was the golden key that unlocked all the opportunities.
When she’d talk about the breaks she’d get or accolades at work from executives, I’d wanted to believe she was lying. But as my grandpa used to tell me, fortune didn’t always reward the worthy, so you needed to make your own luck.
I was recovering from a bout of crappy luck courtesy of fortune, but thanks to the positive turn my Monday had taken, I was in a generous mood and indulged her despite myself.
“That’s fantastic,” I said with as much enthusiasm as I could muster without being nauseated. “I assume Frank filled you in. We were just discussing how to divide and conquer.”
“Yes, and he already told me what I’d be doing. Just wanted to check in with you guys.” She scooted closer to the camera, a bright light offscreen illuminating her saccharine smile.
“We’re all doing well. I was about to tell Julie how fantastic she looked,” Sierra said as we shared an on-screen grin. I appreciated her compliment and change of subject.
“Sierra is right,” Kaitie said. “I know you weren’t feeling well for a while, but you look healthy and gorgeous now.”
“Thanks, ladies.” My cheeks heated a bit at the compliments, and it felt good to allow them to sink in. I’d gone up two clothes sizes, but I’d seen health, not a moon face, when I’d put on my makeup this morning. I was easing back into light morning workouts, but the extra weight didn’t bother me anymore.
Fixating on the physical changes of lupus seemed shallow, but when I was feeling terrible, seeing the visible effects on the outside made it even more devastating. Now that the insides were mostly sorted out, the outside didn’t look so bad to me.
Of course, maybe my boost of confidence could have come from when I’d caught Landon checking me out a few times with a more than friendly appreciation. Wherever it came from, the sun was shining brighter in the Bronx today, and I was rolling with it.
“You do look a lot better,” Elyse said as she pursed her lips at the screen. “What was it, a bad flu?”
“No, flus eventually end.” I huffed out a laugh. “I have lupus. It’s an autoimmune disease, but with treatment, it seems to be under control and I’m feeling well these days. I just need to learn to rest more or I pay for it after, but it’s a process.”
“I’m so sorry,” Sierra said, concern creasing her brow. “Autoimmune diseases can be so rough, and I’m so glad you’re feeling better.”
“Me too,” Kaitie agreed.
“I have lupus.”
We all flinched at Elyse’s statement.
