11
LANDON
After I walked Julie back to her hotel room, I packed and tried for a night of sleep that I knew wouldn’t come.
Julie was probably right. My fear over what could happen to her made the inhibitions and boundaries we’d set for ourselves all those years ago harder to uphold. That almost-kiss in our early twenties scared the hell out of me because I knew once my lips touched hers, I’d be in a constant battle with myself not to take more.
Like the one I was fighting now.
But after tomorrow, this interlude, or whatever you’d call what had happened between us, would end. She’d go back to the Bronx, and I’d fly back to Charlotte. I’d be able to see her face more often, and maybe that would take the power out of whatever had come over us here.
But either way, I was a big boy and would handle myself. I wouldn’t ruin a friendship I’d counted on for most of my life just because my hormones got the best of me. I still hoped to move to New York eventually, but maybe the miles between us would be a good thing for once, at least for a little while.
But as far as not worrying about her as she’d begged me to do last night, that was going to be the bigger struggle by far.
Julie looked great, and while I had to force myself not to fixate on symptoms I couldn’t see, watching her limping and in obvious pain as she climbed into the car illustrated all the fears I’d had. All the terrifying complications I’d learned about on my phone until the wee hours of the night started to turn in my head, and I’d never felt more helpless and useless.
She’d fallen headfirst into some shitty luck over the past few months. Knowing she could keep her health insurance now was a big relief, but that was only part of her recent troubles. No matter how hard I wanted to try, I couldn’t save her from all of it.
Even if I was up most of the night wishing I could figure out how.
I picked up my suitcase and headed downstairs. My flight wasn’t until noon, and I wasn’t meeting Julie in the lobby for another hour, but I was itching to leave the room after the mostly sleepless night I’d had. Too much alone time meant too much time to think, and Julie had asked me to try not to obsess over this. I couldn’t promise, but maybe a cup of coffee would clear my head before she saw me and realized how much I wasn’t listening so far.
I settled into one of the fancy armchairs in the lobby and sipped from the paper cup in my hand, laughing to myself at the guests who were just stumbling in from the night before. I’d been to a few conferences in Las Vegas over the years and had dragged myself back to my hotel room in the early morning light. At the last one a few years ago, my friend Will and I made the same walk of shame back to our rooms at Mandalay Bay after a night of fake names and decisions bad enough to cause the stench of regret the next morning.
Will had joked on the plane back home that he hoped neither of us had gotten married and didn’t remember it.
I almost had to laugh at the irony. The one Vegas weekend I was stone-cold sober, I ended up leaving with a wife.
“What are you doing up so early?” I jumped at the sound of Maria’s voice behind me. Her dark curls were piled up on top of her head, one falling in front of her face as she came closer. “I thought your flight wasn’t until later.”
“It’s not, but I was restless. How are you feeling this morning, Mrs. Calabrese?”
She smiled as she stuffed her hands in the front pocket of her hoodie.
“I keep looking over my shoulder for my mother-in-law when anyone calls me that. I feel amazing, actually. I came down to get us some coffee before heading out for the day. Now that the wedding is over, we wanted one day with just us and not having to entertain anyone. As much as we love all of you.”
I smiled, her joy so infectious that I forgot my worries for a minute.
I held up a hand. “No offense taken.”
“Maybe we’ll go see Elvis so Dean can have the Vegas wedding experience he originally wanted.” She chuckled until she realized I wasn’t laughing with her. “Everything okay? You looked a little tense there for a second.”
“No, I’m fine,” I said, waving a hand, trying to blow off the moment I’d flinched as a bittersweet secret memory had flashed in my mind.
“Did you guys have fun last night? I wondered if Nana convinced you to come with her to the craps tables.”
“No, I told her I wouldn’t be able to keep up.”
She chuckled with a slow nod. “That lady is the best. She seemed stuck on you and Julie when we spoke to her last night.”
“Stuck on us?”
Maria grinned. “She said you were a beautiful couple and needed to admit you were in love already. I told her that’s just how you guys are. You’re close but just friends.”
“We are.” I nodded, flashing her a smile when I noticed the defensive edge in my voice. “She told us to hurry up and get married because we weren’t getting any younger.”
She burst out laughing. “Sounds like Nana. Although…” She pursed her lips as she narrowed her eyes at me. “I always kind of hoped you’d get together. Every time one of you would break up with someone, I’d tell Dean, maybe it’ll happen this time.” She shrugged. “Just me being a sap again, I suppose, wanting my friends to fall in love and ride off into the sunset.”
