“Everyone wishes they could be like Dean’s grandmother.” I chuckled. “After managing so many different personalities at work and having to choose my words so damn carefully, I’d love to be able to just say whatever comes to my mind and not have to put a filter on it.”
“Right? But more than that, I wished for the chance to at leastgetto her age. My doctor told me that I’m improving, but my blood tests say that lupus is still active. I feel like it’s this monster waiting to pounce when I’m not looking. She assured me that’s common with a new diagnosis and I’ll get used to it.” Her gaze drifted to the other rows of flowers in the distance. “Everything about my life feels…temporary. I can’t explain it.”
I couldn’t fathom anything related to Julie as temporary. I had a lot to get used to about her illness too, like keeping myself in check before I hovered over her and pissed her off. But picturing her not in my life someday? I’d never get used to that or even be able to bring myself to imagine it.
“I know it’s hard not to think that way, but nothing is temporary. Just different.” I brought her into my arms before I could help myself. It was always easy and familiar between us—hugs and kisses on the cheek were passed back and forth without them meaning anything but a friendly show of affection. Now, touching her made me pause and register where every inch of her skin touched mine.
“I hate that you live so far away,” she murmured into my chest. “I’m used to it, but now—”
“I know what you mean. Our goodbyes are usually a little sad, but this one may be painful.”
I slid my hands down her arms as she laughed.
The fear of losing her or what could happen to her was messing with my head. I was sure I’d torture myself with all these confusing feelings on the entire flight back to North Carolina, and hopefully, I would figure out a way to deal with them once I landed.
“I’m always a phone call or a text away.” I draped my arm around her shoulders as we walked. “And you will get back on your feet soon. You’re good at what you do.”
“And I’m almost forty. Creative directors are getting younger every day and would work a lot cheaper.” She heaved out an audible sigh. “At least I’d have insurance if I had to take a pay cut at a new job, but my friends in the job market are all saying it’s taken them months to find something. I hate to have to choose between prescriptions and groceries, and Ireallyhate how that’s not an exaggeration.”
“First of all, that wouldn’t happen because I wouldn’t let it.”
“No, I am not taking money from you.” She stepped in front of me and shook her head. “Ever.”
“I think you’re panicking a little. It’s understandable but not good for you. Especially now.” I angled my head to meet her gaze. “And if it came down to it that you needed money to eat and stay healthy, I’d find a way to give it to you, whether you liked it or not.”
She glared at me before her lips twitched into a smile.
“You’re relentless. What would I do without you?”
“You won’t have to find out. No matter what happens, I’m right here, Jules.”
She nodded, a gloss shining in her eyes before I looked away.
“Unless I happen to run away with someone. Nana told me while you were in the bathroom that if you didn’t marry me, she would.”
We shared a laugh as I leaned my forehead against hers.
“You have good insurance, right? Maybe we could see if that Elvis chapel is open.”
When I didn’t laugh with her, she squinted at me. I stopped walking as a crazy idea barreled into my head.
“Why don’t we?”
She jerked her head back, her eyes saucer-wide as she gaped at me. The words left my mouth in such a rush, it shocked me too, but I didn’t take them back.
“I was making a joke. Landon,” she breathed out, pressing her hand to her chest as it heaved up and down. “We can’t get married just so I could have insurance.”
“If you had insurance that you didn’t have to pay for and your doctor visits and medications were covered, could you get by on unemployment for a little while as you looked?”
Julie’s eyes darted back and forth, a deep pinch in her brow.
“Landon, come on. We can’t—”
“That was a yes or no question, Jules.” I shifted to face her and grabbed both of her hands. “I have excellent insurance with my job, and you could relax a little and take care of yourself if your medical expenses were covered, right?” I gripped her shoulders as desperation ran through me. “We’re right here. Let’s just do it.”
“You’re serious about this, aren’t you?” Her eyes grew wide when they met mine. “I cannot marry you just so I can take your insurance. Look,” she said, grabbing my face. “I love you for wanting to do this, but I can’t let you.”
“Why? All I’d be doing is filling out a form when I got back to work.”
