She squeezed my hand. I attempted a half smile, squeezing her hand back and turning down the hall to search for a restroom sign. Wandering down a long hallway, I halted right next to what looked like the doorway of a chapel. I spotted a couple of stained-glass windows inside, while three people sat scattered from each other, staring into the void.
That was the logical place to go, but I couldn’t bring myself to enter, my feet rooted to the shiny sterile floor. It was as if my guilt over losing my father had erected an invisible wall that prevented me from seeking any comfort.
The logical part of my brain knew that whether Dad was here or not, Mom probably still would have passed out, although if someone was with her, the gash on her head might have been avoided. But what if losing her husband made her health deteriorate in ways I couldn’t see? What if moving back and being a pain in the ass by hovering over her didn’t do a damn thing because I wasn’t what or who she needed? She needed her husband. We both did.
I slid down the wall, my legs folding under me. The fear and the loneliness hit me so hard at that moment that my baby was the only thing preventing me from throwing myself down in violent wails. I owed it to the one man left in my life to hold it together enough for his well-being.
Sobs scratched at my throat, but despite how easily the waterworks flowed lately, tears wouldn’t come out. My chest heaved as it all came crashing down around me. My father was our nucleus, the puzzle piece that held us together so that we could go about our lives without a thought or care. The gaping hole of his death left us empty. I missed him every day, but his loss combined with possibly losing my mother too constricted my chest to the point I could barely breathe.
I counted back from ten, clenching my eyes shut and hoping I’d feel some relief when something draping across my back made me jerk with a gasp.
“Shh, only me.” I blinked my eyes open and found Tyler, his long legs crossed under him as he tried to nestle into the corner with me.
“What… what are you doing here?” I took in his tired eyes and extra day of stubble. He looked almost as much of a mess as I felt.
He grabbed my hand and brought it to his lips. “Mom called me. I drove here as fast as I could.”
I wanted to fall into his chest in tears. I didn’t care how much of him I had or didn’t have anymore—he was here, and I was already able to pull more air into my lungs.
“You didn’t have to leave the bakery. I’m sure it’s busy.” Not squeezing his hand back took all the control I had left.
Tyler slid his hands under my legs and gently placed me on his lap, cocking his head to the side.
“Okay, first of all,” I protested, “you’re going to break a wrist or a kneecap with me at my size. Second, you can go back to work. I’m fine—”
“Shut up.”
My jaw went slack as I narrowed my eyes at him.
“Shut up? Tyler, just let me—” My voice cracked when he pressed a kiss to my forehead and brought me into his chest.
“Shut up and let me love you. Because I do, even though you ran out on me before I could tell you. I love you so damn much. But we’ll talk about that later.”
I said nothing as the first sob slipped out, and then the tears wouldn’t stop. I cried for my father, I cried for my mother, I cried for my son who’d missed out on the greatest grandfather any kid could ever hope for. My mother was thrilled about the baby, and it was all she could talk about lately. What if she never got to see him or couldn’t recover enough to even know who he was?
I melted into Tyler, allowing myself to let go if for only a minute. His tight embrace, his lips on the top of my head were a balm to my broken soul. Not a cure, but soothing for the moment.
His strong arms wrapped around my torso, his hand caressing my stomach as he continued to rock. “I got you, sugar. I’m not going anywhere.”
“I can’t do this again,” I hiccupped into his chest. “I feel so alone.”
“Look at me.” I lifted my head off his soaked T-shirt and met his eyes, now boring into mine. “You arenotalone. No matter what happens.” He motioned to my swollen belly. “You have both of us. Okay?” He swiped a tear off my cheek.
“It’s my fault.”
Tyler’s brow furrowed as he studied me. “This would have happened if you were there or not.”
“No, but she wouldn’t be alone so much if my Dad was still here.” I rested my cheek against his chest, the thump of his heartbeat against my ear soothing me enough to take the quiver out of my words.
“That’s not your fault either,” he whispered. “How could you even think that?”
I pushed away from his chest and lifted my head. “Because he could have prevented it if it wasn’t for me.”
“I’d say that was worth the months-long waiting list.” Dad smirked as he draped an arm across Mom’s shoulder.
“Months?” I gaped at my father. “When did you make the reservations?”
My father went all out on my birthdays, which was probably why I grew up believing they were national holidays. My last big party was my sweet sixteen, but when I got too old for parties, he planned big dinners for the three of us. As their only child, I was spoiled by both of them, but my father put on the bigger show of it, especially on birthdays. He kept me in line more than Mom did, but he never hesitated to shower me with whatever I wanted. As I became older, the private celebration with just the three of us was more important than wherever it was, but I’d never deny him the sport of trying to outdo himself every year.
