“That’s because your uterus probably tackled Tyler’s sperm before it could go anywhere.” Morgan smirked around her fork.
“That’s me.” I lifted my glass in a mock toast, the sudden and all-too-familiar burn of tears running up my nose. “Finally getting Tyler to stay with me because now he has no choice.”
Morgan flinched and immediate guilt washed over me. She was only kidding, but the notion of me being with Tyler only because we were having a baby together was too real to find amusing.
“Liv? Did I say something wrong?” Morgan’s face crumpled in a contrite wince.
“No.” I set down my fork and rubbed my eyes. “I know you meant it as a joke, but I can’t help but think that Tyler is with me by default. If I have him at all. I mean, he’s been great.”
My nostrils flared, frustration running through me at the crack in my voice. I was excited for the baby and loved him so much already, but as the weeks ticked by,everythinghad me on edge. I missed my father so much it was almost as if my grief had reset. I was so damn angry at what he was missing now, which made me watch my mother even more closely. All egged on by the constant turbulent thoughts about what was really going on between Tyler and me.
“But lately, I can’t shake the feeling he’s around because he feels he has to be. It’s nothing he’s said or done. I haven’t had this much sex in probably my entire life.” I met their widened eyes and cringed. “Sorry, that was a little too much.” I glanced at Leah, who only laughed and shook her head.
“I’ve seen you guys together.” Morgan rolled her eyes. “There is no question he’s very into you from what I’ve seen.”
“Something my grandmother said a couple of weeks ago has been nagging at me. She told me that after the baby is born, it’s going to be all on me since Tyler doesn’t live there. If we were only dating this long, I guess the future wouldn’t be so pressing, but we never even discuss just us. We talk about the baby all the time, his bakery, but never us.”
“Do you want Tyler to move in with you?” Leah asked.
“I want him towantto…eventually. Or want to talk about it, even if it’s a distant future type of a thing. We don’t talk about any future.”
“Tyler is the first guy she’s ever wanted a future with past the next date.”
Leah smiled when Morgan snorted out a laugh.
“That’s not… totally true.”
“Really? Tell Leah about the time you traveled to Paris alone, met a guy there, and broke it off via What’s App when he offered to come to visit you.”
“Because that was weird,” I protested as I shoved a forkful of lasagna in my mouth. “We had a fling. We barely spoke the same language. International travel wasn’t something I wanted to do regularly.”
“Like you wouldn’t run anywhere for Tyler.”
“You went to Paris alone?”
Leah’s question interrupted the start of our argument.
“Yes. Morgan couldn’t come and another friend bailed at the last minute. But it was my thirtieth birthday, and I said screw it and went alone.”
“Wow,” Leah said, her eyes wide. “I’d never have the guts to do that.”
“Well, I had to call my parents every morning and night, and my father told me if I missed one phone call he was taking a red-eye to France to drag me home, thirty or not.”
“I have to admit, I’m in awe of you.” Leah sighed.
“That’s Olivia,” Morgan said with her eyes still on me. “No one kept her from her birthday celebrations. Back then.”
I glared at Morgan’s raised brow and turned back to Leah, not interested in kickstarting a two-year-old argument.
“But your wife is right. Men were a pastime to me. I wasn’t mean about it, or I tried not to be, but I could take them or leave them.” I shrugged. “This is why I made the man I’ve loved since I was a kid hate me up until recently. Turns out, I was right to do it. Feelings have made me someone I never wanted to be.”
“Holy shit.” Morgan’s fork dropped to her empty plate with a clank.
“What?”
“You admitted to loving Tyler. It took you thirty years, but you did it.”
“I do. I always did. But…” I shrugged, not wanting to think about much less say what came afterbut.
