My phone vibrated in my hand, a jolt of anxiety running through me when a text message popped up.
Tyler:I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.
What was I looking for when I headed for the bakery after the doctor’s office?
Since I’d been pregnant for so long without a clue, my very kind doctor got me in for an early ultrasound right after my appointment so we could estimate the due date. The sonogram they’d given me was still on my coffee table, the corners already frayed from where I’d been thumbing it on and off all day. I’d planned on being a mother someday, but over the past few years, I figured surrogate aunt was a more certain future. For the brief moment I’d thought my best friend was pregnant, I was thrilled. Minutes later when I realized that I was, dread and bone-deep fear filtered through me.
All I could see was a tiny, blurry circle in a sea of gray, but I kept gravitating toward it.
My baby.
That little dot terrified me, but I loved it anyway.
I was always relentless in demanding Tyler’s attention, good or bad. Now I guessed I’d found a way to capture it forever. Part of me loved that idea, to be tethered to him for the rest of our lives beyond our mothers’ friendship. A bigger—and louder—part hated that, however unintentionally, I’d forced the connection. Six-year-old me and nineteen-year-old me would’ve reveled at closing in on him with no escape, but a much older and wiser me felt nothing but guilt over doing it like this.
I was pulled out of my thoughts when my doorbell rang. In only a day, I felt every textbook symptom of pregnancy, almost as if I’d brought them on myself. The nausea might have been partly caused by the power of suggestion, but the sore and swollen boobs couldn’t be faked. Putting on a bra almost brought me to tears thanks to my oversensitive nipples.
“Hey,” I said to a weary-looking Tyler as he leaned against the doorjamb at my side entrance. Even after a long day of baking for all those customers I had to weed through earlier, he was still so gorgeous. The full lips brought out by the scruff dusting his cheeks, his light eyes beautiful even with the hint of dark circles underneath, the sparkle of gray I’d just noticed near his temple. Our baby had an awesome pool of DNA to pull from.
“I’m sorry. I’m here later than I wanted to be,” he told me before stepping inside. My nose burned as the weird and sudden influx of emotion washed over me once again when he passed me.
Having a baby together was as close as two people could probably get, but we were still feeling our way around this new friendship between us. I wished things between us were as easy as the night of the wedding, when I didn’t hesitate to kiss him or let my eyes shut as I rested my cheek on his bare chest.
It wasn’t just the physical proximity I yearned for from Tyler. We had moments at the wedding and recently when I’d come to his bakery to help him late at night that we felt like true friends, like a team. I wanted—or more, needed—that now. I’d always been fine on my own, but the loneliness I’d felt since the walk home from his bakery earlier scratched at my throat.
“Are you feeling okay?” Tyler asked, settling onto my couch as his eyes fell to the black-and-white photo on the coffee table. “Is that…” He looked up at me.
“It is,” I said and lifted it off the table to show him. “It’s right there.” I pointed to the dot in the center. “It’s too early to tell anything, but the doctor told me all looks good and healthy.”
“Good,” he said, still staring at the picture.
“And I’m feeling okay. I haven’t felt much like eating, but not sure if that’s pregnancy or shock. Thanks for the cookies. I’ve been picking at them all day.”
“You’re welcome,” he whispered. “I’m probably not saying any of the right things, but since Donnie’s wedding I don’t know how to act around you.”
“I know what you mean.” I set the picture on my thigh but couldn’t tear my eyes away. “We should have talked about…what happened between us sooner.”
“And I should have reached out to you before you doubled my profits for the year.” He smiled, tilting his head. “I was so used to thinking about you in a certain way. We were supposed to onlypretendto be into each other. I guess I freaked out when I realized I didn’t have to try that hard. Or at all.”
“Same.” I sighed. This was so fucking complicated already, now I was really clueless as to how to handle things between us. “Listen, I don’t want to make you feel obligated.”
“What are you talking about? Obligated?” His shoulders went rigid as he shifted to face me.
“Well, you just started to not hate me, and I sprung a baby on you—”
“Sprung a baby on me? Jesus, Olivia. You didn’t spike my drink and take advantage of me. I was right there with you. The condoms that didn’t fucking work came out ofmywallet. I’m not obligated. I’m here because that is my baby too.” He pointed a finger at the sonogram picture in my shaking hand. “And because it’s finally time to be adults and talk about what happened between us and what to do about it.”
“I’m…I’m sorry, Tyler,” I stammered, still unnerved by the clench of his jaw as his eyes narrowed at me. “I didn’t mean to judge you or assume anything. It’s just like you said, we don’t know how to be around each other and now we’re going to be parents. I’m catching up, so I’m also probably not saying the right things.”
“I know.”
I relaxed when his features softened.
“I’m catching up too, Sanchez. And I should have said this earlier too, but that night, even looking at it from where we are now…” He sank his teeth into his bottom lip, the intensity in his eyes making me squirm. “I don’t regret it. Not for one single second.”
“Neither do I.” I returned the tiny smile spreading across his lips.
“Good,” he rasped, scooting closer to me on the couch. “What if we do this, see each other because we want to? Not because of obligations from our mothers or because I need two dozen eggs after closing time. I want more of the Olivia I’ve gotten to know recently, the one who I can’t seem to get out of my head.”
