“I should buy you ice cream more often—even though I’m getting a little jealous of that cone right now.” He nudged me in the side, and I shook my head.
“Yes, because you’resooodeprived at home. Thanks for the treat.” I kissed his cheek and leaned back against his chest. Being close to Lucas made my body relax a bit.
“You’re welcome.” He snaked his arm around my waist and kissed my temple. “You going to tell me what’s bothering you, or do you want me to guess?”
My eyes grew heavy; I could’ve slept on Lucas’s chest right on the bench. It reminded me of a happier time in my life. No custody fights, no worrying about my daughter—just Lucas and me. Following that sweet memory was the bitter realization of how enjoying that too much may have gotten me into this mess.
“I gave Marc’s mother too much access to Bella. I let her think she has a say and a stake in how she’s raised. I was selfish—out enjoying romantic weekends with my boyfriend and never thinking about the consequences.”
“Hey.” Lucas lifted me off his chest and turned my head so I faced him. “Spending weekends at my apartment is not why this is happening. Youneverput me before Bella. All those months in the beginning, I hardly ever saw you on weekends. You wouldn’t leave her with anyone. You let Bella stay with her grandparents, who came to you and asked, and who you had no reason to believe would turn on you like this.” Lucas took my hand and interlocked our fingers. “Do you regret any of that time with me?”
I sat up straight, shaking my head.
“No! I loved every second I spent with you. Waking up in your arms, having private dinners and staying in bed all day. I crushed on the Lucas I knew all those years ago, but during all those weekends with you, I got to know the amazing man you are—and I fell pretty hard.” I smiled as I trailed my hand down his cheek.” I never thought I would have to choose between being a good mother and being in love.” I ran my fingers along Lucas’s jaw, and he leaned into my hand.
“Youdon’t. This would have happened regardless of whether you let Marc’s parents take Bella a couple of weekends a month. Marc’s mother is a scared and jealous woman who is afraid of losing access to her granddaughter.She’sthe selfish one, not you.” He gave me a quick kiss and started eating his ice cream again. Mine became a melted mess, but I slurped up what was left.
“I loved those weekends, too. That was a big reason why I couldn’t go back to my apartment the night Marc came back. I’d look around and see us everywhere, making dinner together in my kitchen, your beautiful body sprawled across my bed, my head between your legs on the couch …” Lucas buried his head in my neck and gave me slow kisses behind my ear.
“You can’t talk dirty to me when I’m eating ice cream.” I shut my eyes as Lucas pulled me closer.
“Why? You afraid it’s going to melt?” I chuckled and pushed him away.
“Those are good memories. Don’t let any of this take that away from us. You should spend your energy thinking about where you’d like to move when all this is over.”
I put my hand over my eyes and tried to massage my temples. Every conversation led to this topic lately.
“Lucas, I know you hate the house—”
“I don’thatethe house. I just would like a place that was all ours, not where you used to live with Marc. Don’t you want to move back to the Bronx where your family is? Or maybe somewhere else? The one good thing about having a career in finance is that I knew exactly how to invest and save all these years. And now that I just made partner, I can buy us a huge house anywhere you’d want to go.”
I really didn’t have the energy for this today. I could see his point, but Bella and I liked our house. I paid for it, so to me, it was all mine. We liked the neighborhood, and Bella liked her school. I stood to throw out the rest of my ice cream soup in a trash can next to our bench and turned back to Lucas.
“I don’t have much family left in the Bronx; my mother lives in New Jersey. That’s why I didn’t see the big deal in buying a house in Queens where Marc lived.”
“Usually the guy moves to where his girl lives, no? At least that’s what I would do.” I looked up and groaned. He was never going to let this go.
“That’s because you’re an abnormally nice guy. Most guys are a lot more selfish.”
“Did you just call me weird? I think you did.” Lucas gave me a sideways glance from where he still sat on the bench, making me laugh.
“No, I said you were abnormal because you were so nice. Maybe I did call you weird because, before you, a truly nice guy was very odd to me. Although with the movie star looks and panty-dropping smile, I’m sure getting women to not followyoueverywhere was tough.” Lucas choked on the last of his ice cream and burst out laughing.
“Panty-dropping? Did you just say I had a panty-dropping smile?” Lucas grabbed me by the waist and pulled me onto his lap. He ran his hand up my skirt, making me squeal.
“What are you doing?” I tried to squirm out of his hold, but he tightened his grip.
“I smiled a good three times just now, checking to make sure you had panties on before you went back to work.” I tried to grab his hand, but he wouldn’t budge. It felt so good to laugh, especially after spending the entire week dreading impending disaster.
“I’m glad you told me. There could be panties down all over the city because of me.”
I fisted the material on his jacket and pulled him closer. “There better not be.” Lucas answered by grabbing the back of my head and giving me a passionate kiss.
I giggled and rested my forehead against his. “Thank you.” Lucas shrugged in reply.
“It’s what I’m here for. Ice cream and getting your panties to drop. Now you’ve given me two good ideas for later.” I tightened my arms around him and buried my head into his neck.
I was lucky to be happy with Lucas, and I refused to feel guilty about it anymore. I still dreaded what was ahead of us, but I was happy we were in this together.
