“You’re pretty incredible, yourself. I have no doubt you’ll kick ass here too.” He whispered in my ear and kissed my cheek again. I responded by kissing his cheek—and lingering. I had a feeling I would compare every kiss I had in the future to this moment, so I wanted to make it a good one.
We let each other go and pulled back. I gave Lucas a sad little wave.
“Have a safe trip, Lucas.”And a fabulous life.He gave me one more butterfly storm-inducing smile and backed away. The ‘pining for Lucas’ chapter of my life was, finally, officially closed.
I turned to leave and locked eyes with Marc by the door. He patted his pocket and smiled at me, making me laugh. Who was I if I wasn’t carrying a torch for Lucas Hunter? I guessed I was about to find out.
One
Samantha
Present day
Doesanyone ever plan to settle? I know I sure as hell didn’t. I wanted love, passion, and a man who needed me more than he needed his next breath.
What I got was a husband who couldn’t stand the sight of me. Marc wasn’t always this way. When I first met him, he was cute, even a little charming. We dated for a few years, got married, and while my life was never a romance novel, Marc was a decent husband. I gave birth to our beautiful daughter, and suddenly Marc couldn’t stand being home. He had to be out; the walls of our home became a cage holding him back from the man he wanted to be.
I glared at my husband, sleeping on the couch in his clothes from the night before at one o’clock on a Saturday afternoon. I wasn’t sure where he spent all his time these days. Asking where he was or where he was going usually lead to hour-long fights, and an Oscar-worthy performance of “how hard it was to be unemployed and watch me leave the house every day.” Since losing his IT job a year ago, he’d been working freelance jobs here and there, but never anything permanent. I had suspicions that his attitude was the reason he was never asked to stay, not his performance. Thankfully, my marketing director job paid well enough to cover the bills. But instead of gratitude, all I got was resentment when I strolled through the door every night.
He was constantly texting someone, saying he was “making contacts,” but I doubted new IT positions were the reason his phone vibrated into the wee hours of the morning. I heard a rumor or two about who Marc was really with when he was out all night, but when I confronted him, he grunted at me and shrugged it off. He claimed my friends were busybodies with nothing else better to do than track him, but I never got a solid denial.
I crinkled my nose at the sad sight that was Marc. Shaking my head, I went into the kitchen to finish cleaning up from lunch.
“Mommy!” Bella shouted to me as she ran down the stairs. “There’s a new Lego Friends princess castle! I just saw it on TV! Can I get it, Mommy? Please …” Bella bounced and folded her hands under her chin as if she were praying she’d get a yes from me. It was like pulling teeth to get her to speak at an audible level at times, so I loved seeing her more boisterous moments when she got excited.
“Goddamn it, Bella!Can’t you see I’m trying to sleep? Don’t run around the house yelling like an animal.Jesus Christ.” Marc sat up from the couch, massaging his temples. Poor sleeping beauty was hung over.
Bella put her head down and ran to me, clutching my hip as she quietly cried into my leg.
“Most people don’t sleep until almost two in the afternoon unless they have a night job. I don’t think getting drunk with the guys counts as working. Bella shouldn’t have to tiptoe around the house when everyone should be up.” I kept my voice even so as to not upset Bella even more. Marc huffed and shook his head.
“Can I be up for ten minutes before you start bitching?” Marc raked his hands over his face. I hoped he wasn’t about to puke, although rubbing his face in it would feel awesome right about now.
I knelt down to Bella and pulled her hands from her face. I put my hands on her cheeks and rubbed the tears from her eyes with my thumbs.
“I think I may have seen that castle in Target. After Mommy’s Zumba class, maybe we can go check it out, and we can build it tonight . . . what do you think?”
Buying my daughter big presents just because wasn’t the best way to parent, but when Marc had an outburst like that, I needed to make her forget it. It probably never worked completely, but I always had to try.
She nodded furiously, and a small smile appeared on her face. My gym had a day care, so I always took Bella with me. She got to play with other kids, and I got to channel my frustrations into exercise. I tried to go every day, probably the reason why I wasn’t the Queens’ Lorena Bobbitt yet. My husband probably deserved most of the credit for getting me into the best shape of my life, even though I always heard comments from him about needing to stay there longer or how I should stop “stuffing my fat face.”
Up until this point, he was just a mopey crank. He’d never yelled at Bella like that before, and I was going to make damn sure he wouldn’t again.
“Why don’t you get dressed, and I’ll call you when we have to leave?”
Bella nodded and ran back upstairs, not once looking at her father.
I marched over to Marc, still on the couch with his eyes closed and head laid back.
“Get up!” I yelled right in his face. Marc jumped and rubbed his forehead.
“Jesus, Samantha! Can’t you see I’m trying to—?”
“Trying to what? Nurse a hangover? We’re supposed to feel sorry for you? You’re in your thirties and think you’re still a frat boy. You can say whatever you want to me, but don’t youevertalk to our daughter like that. Next time, you’ll be sleeping it off on the concrete outside, not on the couch. Grow the fuck up and try your best to hide what a jerk you are from Bella. You only actually see her for a couple of hours a day, so it shouldn’t be too hard.”
Marc let out a deep sigh and got up. His face was almost contrite, but I didn’t buy it.
“Look, Samantha—” I held my hand up. I grew up without a father, and I didn’t want that for Bella. But was having a father like Marc much better than having no father at all? I was in no mood to hear his latest excuse, and it was getting harder and harder to ignore the miserable way he was. I had tolerated it at first because I felt sorry for him after getting laid off from a job he’d had since college and liked. After being called a nag day in and day out, I started to believe that maybe I was; maybe I made him like this. For the past couple of months, though, it was more evident that the only person to blame for Marc’s behavior was Marc.
