“Sure. Thank you, Samantha.” Jeannie had a hint of a smile on her face as she called Bella to the door. She picked Bella up and gave her a big hug and kiss before she handed her back to me. She did love her granddaughter, and both of Marc’s parents spoiled Bella any chance they got. I welcomed any normalcy I could keep in Bella’s life.
* * *
“So,isn’t this great? I don’t have to worry about Bella and can focus on the hot older guy who wants to buy me dinner?”
Lucas and I were enjoying an outdoor lunch in Madison Square Park. I loved New York City in the spring. April was always my favorite month, and everything was in full bloom. My good mood made everything seem even brighter. I snuggled into Lucas’s side and grabbed his hand, intertwining our fingers.
“Older guy, huh?” He leaned his head on top of mine and pulled me closer.
“Well, yeah, you’re still five years older than me. And Ididsay hot; did you miss that?
“Oh, I heard you. Where do you want to go?”
“Hmm, I don’t know. I was thinking of Blue Water Grill, but I really don’t care where we go. What do you think?”
Lucas glanced away. He was a little hard to read. I thought he’d be happier about this, and I was more than a little disappointed it seemed that he wasn’t.
“We don’t have to go out. I thought since I didn’t have to worry about who was taking care of Bella, we could do something. But if you have other plans, it’s totally fine.” I pulled my hand away and gathered up the trash from lunch.
Lucas grabbed my arm and pulled me back. “Slow down a second, Sam. I can see the wheels turning in your head. Of course, I want to spend time with you. That’s all I think about. I have an idea where we can go. How about 30th and 3rd?”
“Where your apartment is? Is there a new place to eat there?” I didn’t remember hearing about any new restaurants.
“I meant my apartment. We could order in. And you could stay the night with me if you want.” Lucas kissed the back of my hand. “Bella is with her grandparents all weekend?” He gave me an unsure smile like he wasn’t sure how I’d react to that.
Did I want to spend the night with him again?God, yes.I still wanted to take it slow, but I thought about Lucas all the time—and in most of that time, he was naked. If I went back to his apartment, there would be no self-control for either of us. Being alone with no time constraint would have the exact same effect on us it did before. Were we ready for that?
I took a deep breath. “Yes, she is. I’ll come to your apartment on Saturday, and we’ll order in. Can I get back to you on spending the night?” I gave him a sideways glance. I didn’t want to hurt him again or offend him. I wasn’t avoiding things like during those two weeks I didn’t see or speak to him, but I wanted to be cautious.
Lucas gave me a big smile and nodded. “Sure, Sam.”
I was more than a little rattled and needed time to think.
When I got back to my office, I realized I should have gone home instead since I was useless. I really did want to spend the night with Lucas again, but I still felt uneasy about it. We had a great thing going. A great undefined thing, but I didn’t want to ruin it. I kept running the pros and cons over and over in my head.
Lucas called after I got Bella in bed. We had packed her bag for grandma and grandpa’s house, and I had a strong pang of mom guilt weighing heavily in my stomach. Sheshouldspend time with her grandparents. And regardless of what—or who—I was doing, I deserved time to myself too. But as much as I tried to rationalize things, the pangs still didn’t go away.
“Hey, Sam, were you under the covers waiting for me?”
“Now I am. I got Bella packed and in bed and took a shower since I was a sweaty mess from kickboxing tonight.”
Lucas groaned. “I like thinking about you being a sweaty mess. Did you decide about tomorrow?”
“Not yet. It’s not because I don’t want to stay the night—believe me. I just don’t want to move too fast.”
“I get that, and it’s okay. I don’t want to pressure you. I’ll be happy being able to hold you on my couch while we watch the crap TV you seem to like.”
“Crap TV? What are you talking about?”
“Last time you were here, I had to suffer through theReal Housewives of New Jersey.”
“We only saw maybe the beginning of it before you made me shut it off before dinner, remember?”
Lucas laughed. “No, actually, I don’t remember. I was preoccupied with something else. I blame it on the skimpy outfit you had on.”
“Skimpy outfit? I had a client meeting that day and thought we were going out later. It was a blouse and a skirt, you animal.”
“When you took that little jacket off, it was all I could do not to strip you right there and run my tongue along every sexy curve of your body.”
