My Aunt Marie put her arm around me as we both stared at her grandson over Evan’s shoulder. “This is the first Christmas we have a baby around here. Last kids in the family were Jack and Paige.” The exhaustion in her eyes broke my heart. How do you prepare to bury your own child? Jack and his mother had always been like two peas in a pod. Even when Jack went away to school, he called my aunt almost every day. Maybe someone would ring our bell with a Christmas miracle and nothing would have to change. My heart would never stop hoping for it, but my head knew better. Life would soon become nothing more than a waiting game, but eventually all our hearts would shatter.
I peered over at my Uncle John next to Jack and Ellie on the couch. He’d sported a big smile all night, but it never made it to his eyes. He’d always made sure to tell me all about my father, his big brother whom he adored and idolized. I loved hearing all the stories he told, about my dad playing football, becoming a cop, and how he died a hero.
But my father wasn’t a real person to me in any of those stories. He may as well have been talking about Batman or the Easter Bunny. I don’t remember taking the picture in my mother’s hallway on my first Christmas; me on his lap, my father gazing at me with the same big green eyes as mine. I never knew him, so he wasn’t real to me.
Now we’d be telling Jack Junior all about his father, who would never be real to him, either. He wouldn’t remember Jack’s larger than life voice, his deep, infectious laugh as he teased all of us, or how he would take on someone twice his size if they hurt anyone he loved. My cousin lived and loved hard, and would leave a gaping hole in the world when he left us.
Sometimes, life didn’t make one bit of goddamn sense.
Twenty-One
Paige
Evanand I didn’t make it home until after midnight. We were headed back to my aunt and uncle’s house for Christmas Day, so the finality of it all hadn’t hit me yet. I expected to break down tomorrow evening with the rest of my family.
“Hey, you feeling okay?” Evan pulled me closer to him on the couch. I plopped my purse on the floor when we traipsed through the door and planted myself there, staring into space.
“Yeah, my stomach is a little upset, but my nerves are shot.” I cuddled into Evan’s side and wrapped my arm around his waist. Towards the end of the night, it was hard to swallow any dessert. Maybe my body was reacting physically to what I hadn’t yet let myself feel.
“It’s Christmas, officially. And I think you said I had a present under the tree.” Evan smirked at me and I chuckled back.
“I don’t know…were you a good boy?” I raised my eyebrows as he kneeled in front of me.
“Oh, I’ve been a very . . .” Evan picked up my hand and gave me a soft kiss on the back of it. “Very . . .” He kissed my other hand and leaned in closer. “Very good boy.” He gave me a soft kiss on my lips and painted kisses down my neck.
“Mmm . . . I think I’m almost convinced.” Evan laughed as he ran his hand up my leg, lifted my dress and ran his lips across my nylon covered thighs.
“Under the tree, next to the radiator.” Evan stopped to meet my heated gaze.
“You’re so easy to break, Ms. Taylor.” He kissed the tip of my nose and headed towards my four-foot prelit tree.
My knee bounced up and down as he ripped open the package. I had put a lot of thought into his gift, and I hoped he loved it.
“Paige, where did you…” Evan’s voice trailed off as his eyes grew wide. He was stunned and speechless, which I hoped was a good thing.
“One of my clients is a huge Beatles fan. I asked him where I could get an original record ofHey Judeand he found it with one phone call. I wasn’t sure if you wanted it since you can’t play it, unless you have a record player I haven’t seen. But John Lennon signed the cover…” Evan drifted his hand across the album before placing it on my coffee table. He turned back over to me and pulled me to stand before crashing his lips to mine.
“Thank you. I don’t even know what to say . . . my mother would have flipped if she saw this. This is the best gift I’ve ever gotten. Ever. I love you so much.” He brought his lips back to mine even as my hands drifted to his waist.
I lifted Evan’s shirt out of his black pants and slipped my hands up his chiseled stomach and his chest. I raked my nails over his abs and unbuckled his pants.
“Know what I always wanted to do?” I licked the seam of his lips as he pulled up the hem of my dress.
“What’s that?” Evan’s words were a throaty whisper as he pulled my dress over my head. He ran his hands down my chest and inched my tights and panties down, then bent to trail open mouthed kisses over my exposed skin. A moan escaped me as I dropped my head back and grabbed his head to pull him closer.
“Make love under the Christmas tree.” My knees buckled as Evan’s tongue dipped into my belly button and inched closer to where I wanted him the most.
Evan stood and unhooked my bra and dropped it on the floor.
“Wait . . .” My voice was strained as Evan cupped my breasts and ran his thumbs over my rigid nipples.
“I always seem to be at a bit of a disadvantage...being the first one naked.” I unbuckled his belt and pulled it from the loops around his waist. It landed with a thud next to my heap of clothes on the floor. I unbuttoned his shirt and dragged my tongue down his torso and up along his collarbone with each newly exposed inch of flesh.
“Shit Daisy. . .” Evan grabbed my face to kiss me but I pulled back, shaking my head.
“I’m not done yet.” I parted his shirt and tugged the sleeves down his muscular arms. He was too fucking beautiful.
“I love it when you look at me like that.” Evan gazed at me with hooded eyes; he pulled at my hair as I ran my mouth all over him.
