“My parents split up when I was a little kid. I have very vague memories of my father. They were both young. My mother was studying to be a nurse, but then I came along, and she had to support us on her own. She always juggled a ton of nurse’s aide jobs. Like I said, you and I grew up the same way, only my father stayed gone, and the struggling never stopped.”
He looked away for a moment, still holding on to my hand. I stayed still and silent because this was the most he’d ever shared with me about his past. His aunt and cousin told me stories of when he was a kid, but I never really knew how he grew up.
“She always tried to be upbeat, cover up how tired she was for my sake. But when I was older, I didn’t think about how hard she was working. All I cared about was that we didn’t live as well as everyone else. So, I acted out. I would miss school sometimes, sneak out at night if she did an overnight shift. Again, I was a punk.”
His grip got tighter before he went on.
“My cousin Mario always liked to take the easy way out of everything.” He shrugged. “He was older and always took me along for the ride since I was like his sidekick. He never got caught and would throw me some extra money sometimes when he had it. Then he told me about this sure way to get a nice wad of cash without anyone knowing.”
He shook his head and let out a long sigh.
“I knew it was wrong, and I couldn’t even hold the gun without my hand shaking. It all happened so damn fast.” He let go of my hand to rub his eyes.
“I broke my mother’s heart and ruined the life she tried to make for us because I was selfish and stupid. I was almost glad to go to jail because I couldn’t deal with the guilt. My family, with the exception of the ones you met, all turned against us. They called her a bad mother because she had no idea what I was into and said that I grew up to be a thug.”
His gaze dropped to the floor as he rubbed his neck. “Even friends we had in the neighborhood wouldn’t speak to her anymore. When she had to move to Puerto Rico to take care of my grandmother, I knew she was relieved, even though she hated leaving me. We talk all the time, but I haven’t seen her for three years.”
“Why?” I asked, holding myself back from wrapping my arms around him. I had to remind myself how mad at him I still was because the lost look in his eyes almost made me crumble.
“She can’t both afford the airfare and finding someone to look after my grandmother. I’m still on parole restrictions for travel. Gary says he can get them to ease up after January, but I’m not sure if I can afford it yet.” He raised his eyes to mine. “I forgot to mention that Gary isn’t a family friend, he’s my—”
“Parole officer. Dad mentioned that.” I set the doll and card next to me and wrapped my arms around my torso. “Lots of pieces about you fell into place over the past week. Mainly why it always felt we were on some kind of time limit. We weren’t supposed to last past Christmas.”
“No. I never wanted us to end, ever. I was scared to death once you found out what I’d done and where I’d been, you wouldn’t see me the same way. The way you look at me, the way you believe in me even when you shouldn’t.”
He grabbed my hand again and kissed the top of my wrist. I shut my eyes, the familiar wet warmth of his lips igniting pleasure and pain. “I wanted to be the man you thought I was. Over the past couple of months, it became everything to me. I didn’t know how to handle it if I’d lost it.”
“Why would you lose it? Anthony, there is so much I don’t get.” I slid my palm out of his grasp and dropped my head into my hands. “Why did you think so little of me that I wouldn’t believe in you anymore? You made a mistake, but that didn’t change how I felt about you.”
“Felt?” He quirked a brow. “Past tense? Did I fuck up that much?”
“How Ifeel. I told you I can’t just turn it off. Unfortunately.” I spied him bite his bottom lip as if he were holding back a smile.
“When I had to confess to you, I panicked. Every day for the past couple of months I kept trying to think of ways to keep you, not lose you. And you were right. Josh knew anyway.”
“Yes, he did,” I spit out. “Which is what I told you. Tony Stark kept a better secret than we did.”
He burst out laughing. “Until I met you, I didn’t think it was possible to enjoy my life, to be happy. The shame is a hard thing to shake, and I don’t think I ever will completely. I couldn’t understand how someone like you would want to be with someone like me, especially after I told you what I did. I was scared shitless of the day you realized how much my past would hold you back and left, so I pushed you away before you could.”
“Anthony, I’d never do that. I—”
“Let me finish, sweetheart.” He cupped my cheek and ran his thumb along my jaw. “I will never be worthy of you, but I love you. And if you take me back—”
“I’m sorry, my head is spinning a little bit. You love me?” I pushed off the step and stood, my breaths coming quick and making the room spin even faster.
His throaty chuckle traveled all the way to my toes before he stood.
“I love you.” He cradled my face. “But I get the feeling you kind of knew that already. I still don’t have much to offer, but it’s all yours.” His thumbs swiped at the tears I couldn’t stop spilling down my cheeks. “I’m not the man you deserve, or the one who could give you the most, but I’ll always be the one who loves you the most. What we have means everything to me.”
“I thought you couldn’t throw away what wasn’t yours to begin with?” My wet eyes narrowed. I was being petty, but while I wanted to fall into his arms like nothing had happened, I was still angry that he put me, putbothof us, through all this needless stress when we could have been together, out in the open, the entire time.
“Oh, you’re mine,Conquista. And I’m yours. It’s been like that from the beginning, so why let stupid things get in the way?”
My traitorous lips curled into a smile.
“All of a sudden you’re optimistic and wise?”
He shrugged with a crooked smile.
