“Is…is she okay?”
“Okay is relative, I suppose.” He leaned back with a sad laugh. “My daughter does her best to try to hide when she’s upset, but she hasn’t been doing the best job this last week.”
“The last thing I wanted to do was hurt her, Josh. I—” This was such a fucking mess, and I hated it. “It’s for her own good. I shouldn’t have let it get so far.”
I shouldn’t have fallen in love with a girl I could never have.
“Did you tell her that it was for her own good?” His shoulders shook with a chuckle. “Because nothing pisses Victoria off more than when she’s babied. If anything, that makes her fight you harder.”
I bit back a smile. I missed my warrior so damn much, even though she was only a few feet away.
“I’m not the kind of guy you’d want for her. I wouldn’t want me for her either, if I was you—”
“It’s not that I don’t want you for her. I can see how much you care about her. I just didn’t want to see you both hurt. I understand you more than you may think. The only reason I didn’t go to jail at eighteen was because my uncle had military connections and was able to push me in. Otherwise, I would have gone away for at least a couple of years.”
I drew back in the chair. I’d never known this about Josh and would never have expected it. He was the nicest, most level-headed guy you could ever meet. I couldn’t picture what he would have done to almost land himself in jail.
“You were lucky. The time I spent there was no vacation.”
“Trust me, I know. But I still had to start over. I hurt my family, everyone I loved, because I got caught up in something awful and didn’t realize until it was too late. I never thought I’d escape the shame. I hurt my wife most of all. I cut her off because I thought she was better off without me, and I was doing her a favor.” He cocked an eyebrow. “Sound familiar?”
I could only nod.
“Do you love Victoria?”
“Yes,” I answered with no hesitation at all. “She’s the most amazing person I’ve ever met, and I miss her so much it hurts,” I admitted. “But in the end, she’s better off without me.”
“Did you take a good look at her this morning?” He coughed out a laugh. “She doesn’t seem better off to me. She lit up around you these past few months in a way I’ve never seen. You’d notice if you could see past the self-loathing.”
He scooted his chair closer to the desk. “Take it from someone who’s been there. It’s like those clouds above your head that you see on cartoons. Every day is miserable, and until it starts to clear, so are you.”
A laugh slipped out of me at his crooked grin.
“I got lucky, and Brianna waited for me. Victoria may still be waiting for you, but she won’t forever.”
“How do I know when the clouds clear?”
A sad smile spread his lips. “You’ll start feeling a little selfish. Instead of always believing ‘I don’t deserve that’ you’ll start thinking ‘that’s mine, and I’m not letting anyone else have it.’ It’s a good feeling when it lifts. That’s when you’ll really get your life back.”
24
Anthony
I owned one nice suit.It was a little snug around my chest and arms, but I managed to find a dress shirt that fit so I could leave the jacket open.
This was the first time in years I was this dressed up outside of court. Josh said we could skip a tie, and since I had to leave the top button open on my shirt to be able to breathe, I was grateful.
Why was I so nervous? I’d seen Victoria at the shop, and it was awkward, but I dealt with it. I could relax and have a couple of beers with the guys during dinner and be on my way right after—if I could focus on anything else except Victoria’s presence, tonight. I didn’t have high hopes.
“Hi, Anthony.” Josh’s wife touched my shoulder when I strolled in, and I flinched on instinct.
“Sorry, Mrs. Falco. I guess I was a little distracted.”
She gave me a warm, but sad, smile and nodded. “I told you, it’s Brianna. It’s okay. Holiday company dinners usually have me on edge, as well.”
“Is that a black flame tattooed on your neck?” Josh’s eight-year-old son came up to me, his eyes and mouth wide as he pointed with his little finger.
“It is,” I told him and bent over to give him a closer look. “Actually, it’s a dragon that goes down the entire half of my chest, but you can only see the flame when I wear a shirt.”
