Despite the nagging fear that none of it was mine to keep, I closed my eyes and savored everything about tonight.
19
Anthony
As a general rule,I never allowed myself to fall into a deep sleep. It was a habit I’d learned out of self-preservation while I was in prison. And when I’d been released, it was too ingrained for me to stop.
Last night was the very first time I dozed off to the point I wasn’t sure where I was, or who I was with, when I opened my eyes. It was still mostly dark, but the glow from the streetlight outside peeked in through my window, landing on the beautiful woman sleeping next to me. Her back was nestled against my front, my arm still keeping a tight grip around her waist. Even in a dead sleep, I tried to stop her from slipping away. I dropped a light kiss on her shoulder and smiled as she sighed in her sleep.
This was all I’d ever wanted, and nothing I ever thought I could have.
That was why it was wrong to take it in the first place.
I knew what had to come next, and it terrified me. I needed to come clean about my past and tell her the real reason why I couldn’t lose this job.
Victoria was too good to judge me for it, but eventually she’d see how my past was a hindrance to my future and would hold her back if she stayed with me. There were places she could go that I couldn’t—opportunities not available to me because of what I’d done. Some restrictions were temporary, but others all too permanent. I couldn’t bear to look over the internship forms because the answer to one question would overshadow and negate the rest.
“Victoria,” I whispered into her neck. “Are you up?”
She responded with a groan and sank her head deeper into the pillow.
“Listen,” I propped my other arm up on the pillow as her breathing slowed again. I was wide awake, my heart pounding as I was about to lose my momentary nerve to finally come clean. “I need you to get up.” Her dark hair splattered across my pillow. She was my perfect little warrior who I shouldn’t have tried to keep, but I didn’t know how to let her go.
“This just feels too good. Can we have ten more minutes?” She turned her head to kiss my arm.
My hand caressed her hip and trailed down her naked thigh. Every inch of her was gorgeous, her face, her body, her mind, and especially her heart.
I’d fooled myself by setting up boundaries for us that I’d never intended to keep. First, I couldn’t be her friend, but then when I couldn’t stay away, I reasoned it was fine as long as it was just at the shop. Barrier after pretend barrier crashed down until we’d arrived here.
I wrapped both my arms around her waist and dropped my head into the crook of her neck. What would it be like to start and end all my days with her? It would be fucking glorious, and the more I thought of it, the more I wanted it. Too bad I couldn’t figure out how.
When she turned around and buried her head into my chest, dragging sleepy kisses across my collarbone, any resolve I’d had to finally tell her the truth dissipated into the early morning ether.
Her nails scratched down my stomach before her hand wrapped around my cock, already painfully hard.
“You enjoy torturing me, don’t you?”
“Maybe a little.” Victoria giggled when I grunted into my pillow.
I shivered when she licked a path along the black flames on my neck down to my shoulder.
“I’m guessing you like that tattoo… Shit, just like that, sweetheart.” My hips followed her strokes, now faster and bolder. All the blood in my body drained into where I tented the sheets.
“I love it, and it killed me all this time to not know the rest of it. You’re a mystery, Diaz. A beautiful, sexy mystery.” Our mouths crashed together, and something primal took over inside of me. I needed to claim her as mine even if it couldn’t stay that way.
I broke the kiss to sit up and grab the box of condoms from the drawer. Victoria’s face fell when she first saw it last night, and I hoped she believed me when I’d said it’d been no one but her for a long time.
Before I went to jail, I was your typical teenage jerk, jumping from girl to girl without much thought beyond instant gratification. I never knew what it was like to revolve my life around only one girl, or to have the inclination to want to give her everything even though I had nothing.
No matter what happened, Victoria would always have all of me, even if in the end, I couldn’t have her.
I tore open the packet and rolled the condom on quickly, flicking my gaze to hers and raising my brow with a silent question. When she rolled her eyes and grabbed my hips, I couldn’t get inside her fast enough.
She peered up at me, diving her hands into my hair to bring my forehead down to rest against hers as I sank into her.
“Are you okay?” I asked when I caught a wince. I tried, but being gentle wasn’t possible. Every time that twinge of dread would intrude into my mind, I went harder and deeper, trapping her under me so she couldn’t leave.
Maybe I couldn’t stop her in real life, but on this bed and in this moment, she belonged to me.
