“You know, I didn’t bring you dinner to get into your pants. At least, not consciously.” I managed to pull a smirk out of him. “How about we break in your forks and enjoy the rest of this nice meal? Maybe I can have my way with you again for dessert.” I waggled my eyebrows.
He didn’t laugh, only smiled before giving me a quick kiss and drawing me into his side.
What wasn’t he saying? I leaned into him, wishing he would just tell me what was wrong so that we could fix it. I didn’t know what it could be, only that I had a bad feeling. It was an ominous foreshadowing like I’d learned about in my writing classes. There were always little clues in a story that made sense at the end but not before.
The only thing I was sure of was that whatever happened between us, I’d have an Anthony-shaped scar for the rest of my life.
16
Victoria
“Hello, ladies. Happy holidays.”
I winced at the familiar voice behind me.
“I think this is the first time I’ve seen you out in months, Victoria.” Gavin, my sort of ex, took a pull from his beer bottle while his eyes stayed on me. “It must be a special occasion.”
“Well, Christmas, and all.” I pursed my lips as my gaze floated over his shoulder in search of the bartender. If I was going to deal with him, plus the sea of Santa hats alternating with antlers dotting the crowd, I needed something to ease my nerves.
“I think that deserves a celebration. Pick your poison. On me.” His full lips stretched into a mega-watt grin, noticeable even though the bar was only illuminated by white and blue strung up lights.
Gavin was gorgeous, and he knew it. I liked swagger on a guy, but a humble swagger. Being sure of yourself was sexy,fullof yourself, not so much. Gavin had teetered on that line a little too often for my taste while we were dating. Other girls ate it up, but it grated on my nerves pretty quickly.
“What can I get you ladies?” The bartender finally came over to where we stood.
“Two Jack and Cokes,” I said and unzipped my purse to fumble around for my wallet.
“Hey, I got it.” Gavin squeezed my arm, lingering a moment too long to be casual. “There are some empty seats in the corner. Why don’t you save us some seats and I’ll bring our drinks over?”
“No, thank you.” I forced a smile and dropped a twenty on the counter. Some bars near school were stricter than others. With their lax carding policy, this one had been a go-to for my friends and me since freshman year.
“That took forever!” Marley groaned as I handed her the glass.
“Gotta love the holiday crowd,” I sighed, clinking my glass to hers. When I turned my head, I found Gavin still standing a little too close behind me.
“Come on, let’s catch up.”
I backed up an inch when Gavin tried to get a little too far into my personal space. There was nothing to catch up on, but you would think I’d be a little more sentimental toward the guy I’d lost my virginity to. My logic in sleeping with Gavin was that since I didn’t love him, it wouldn’t hurt when we both moved on. This was, I foolishly thought, a way of protecting myself from getting heartbroken if my first time was with someone I really cared about.
Then I met Anthony and realized exactly what a moron I was. Maybe we hadn’t gone all the way—yet—but the intimacy we already shared was soul-searing and unforgettable. Handing over my V-Card to someone I hadn’t cared about hadn’t provided a protective outer shell against being hurt by someone I did. Especially someone like Anthony. He had the power to break me into a thousand pieces, V-Card or no.
“Maybe another time. We just came in for a drink and are on our way out. Nice seeing you, and happy holidays.” I smiled, linking my arm with Marley’s and dragging her to the far corner of the bar to take a couple of gulps of our drinks and leave.
“We can’t head home now,” Marley whined after we weeded our way through the crowd and outside. “I agree, that was lame, but there has to be somewhere fun to go. This semester kicked my ass, and I want to have fun before I have to deal with family swarming around our house for the holidays.”
I laughed as she shook her head in defeat, her red waves swaying back and forth as she adjusted her knit cap. Marley had exhausted herself all semester, taking extra classes and an internship in an attempt to graduate early.
“Because you work too hard, Mar. You always did, even in high school. Maybe step back a little so you don’t put all your hope into one night out.” I quirked a brow, leaning back on the wall outside the bar.
“You’re right. You and I should just learn how to be college students for once. Maybe because we already live here, we don’t take advantage like we should. Let’s agree to do that in the New Year.”
I nodded, wishing I was lounging on a bed in a tiny apartment in Queens, eating a turkey sandwich and admiring the lights on the sad little fake tree I made Anthony buy. Tonight was his late night at the tattoo shop, so I needed to find my own fun. Despite missing him, and my run-in with Gavin making it worse, it was freeing to get away for a night without the pressures of who knew and didn’t know about us, and what Anthony could be holding back.
Loving Anthony was amazing and exhausting at the same time.
“Know what we should do, tonight?”
Marley’s gaze landed on mine, a devious glint in her eye.
