Her mouth turned down in a frown as if she didn’t believe my answer.
“I get withdrawing, but if, God forbid, I went through a terrible loss like that, I would never leave Joe. I’d need him too much. Did you not love her or feel like you needed her?”
“Of course I loved her!” Now, her poking pissed me off. “I loved hertoomuch.”
She squinted at me and drew closer to the counter. “What do you mean by too much?”
“For the first year, she was all I thought about. I spent every minute I could spare with her and it still wasn’t enough. I wanted to marry her less than six months in. My mother was sick and I hadn’t noticed a goddamn thing!”
I didn’t realize how loud I was until Caterina flinched. She shot a side glance at Joe, who shut his eyes and nodded.
“So you felt guilty for missing the signs of your mother’s illness while you were falling in love with Thea?”
“Yes, of course. What does that have to do with anything, Dr. Hunter?”
She pursed her lips. “I’m not a therapist, no, but I think that is it. Thea is thinking you left because you didn’t love her enough, but you cut her off to punish yourself for loving hertoomuch.” She exhaled a long gust of air. “If you guys are going to have any kind of chance, you need to make her believe that.”
“How? Maybe she’s better off without me, anyway.”
I rubbed at the back of my neck, trying to process more information I had no clue what the hell to do with.
“Love isn’t supposed to be easy.” She tilted her head with a sad smile. “You’re supposed to cry, scream, and hurt. That’s how you know your heart is in it.”
“You should go open up a stand on the boardwalk with T-shirts. Tourists love that crap.”
“Maybe I will.” She raised a brow. “You need to think of a way to show her the real reason why you pushed her away.”
I picked up my head as an idea ran through my tired brain. If Thea really wanted to see what had been going through my head back then, there was only one way. I never planned on actually showing anyone, but Caterina was right. The only way I’d get her back was for her to see the shattered mess I was four years ago and why.
* * *
Thea textedme Monday morning to meet her at the hotel by ten. I packed a bag of food for her in the morning and arrived way too early, lingering in my truck until nine-forty-five. Strolling through the hotel, I realized I’d be working with daily reminders of Thea every day. If I lost her, I guessed I deserved the sentence of torture I’d have to endure as long as we leased the hotel space.
“Hey,” I whispered, knocking softly on her open door.
When her gaze slid to mine, I could tell she was exhausted. The dark circles around her red eyes were a dead giveaway.
“You’re early,” she said with a tired smile and motioned to the seat in front of her desk. “There are only two forms for you to sign, and I noted exactly where so it should be quick.”
She handed a folder to me and our eyes locked as I took it from her hand. It was only days ago I woke up with her in my arms, dreaming of the life we’d wished for but never got to have. I couldn’t let all that go. Not yet. The yearning in her eyes gave me a little hope that maybe she couldn’t either.
I signed quickly on the highlighted lines and handed the folder back to her.
“I brought you a bag of food to take with you. You said you were leaving in the early afternoon, and I assume you have no food at your apartment after spending two months out here.”
Her eyes darted around the room, her mouth curving into a grin before her gaze drifted back to mine.
“That was thoughtful of you. Thank you.”
“I need you to promise me something. Just one thing.” I stood and lifted the bag by the handle to place on her desk.
“What is it?” She asked with a crinkled brow.
“You’ll empty the bag as soon as you get home.”
Her mouth curved in a tiny smile. “I wouldn’t leave perishables in the car, but yes I promise.”
“There’s something in there I need you to see when you get home. I don’t deserve anything from you, but I love you, whether or not you’ll ever believe that. I’m asking you to wait until you get back to Queens, but promise me that you’ll look.”
