We laid together for a moment, not saying anything or acknowledging how we were in the same bed, almost draped over each other like the lovers we used to be. I didn’t want to get up and stop the blissful game of pretend.
“I’d offer you some breakfast, but I guess you have to get to work. I’m sorry if I made you late.”
He shook his head. “You didn’t make me late. And living right upstairs means I can get ready in no time.”
I nodded and rolled off of him to sit up on the bed.
Craning my head over my shoulder, I watched as he slipped on his sneakers and stuffed his phone into his pocket. A strange wave of separation anxiety washed over me, and I didn’t want him to leave. My head still ached a bit, and my throat was still scratchy, but my sudden attachment hadn’t come from being sick and needy.
The attachment to Dominic was anything but sudden. I always needed more, and usually hated myself for it.
Running a hand through my tangles in vain as he’d already seen me at my worst, I followed him down the stairs. Yet, the way he looked at me when he’d opened his eyes hadn’t been disgust. It was pure love, the same love I’d been running from for weeks.
It was that he didn’t love me enough. Not enough to stay, not enough to be there when I needed him the most, although I shouldn’t have held that against him. He didn’t know what happened or why I’d needed him. But years of resentment still left a bitter taste all the same.
On the nights I fell deep into my hole of self-torture, I wondered if that had never happened, would I have accepted his calls? Would we have had a long-distance type of relationship, or would I have been the wimp I always was when it came to Dominic and moved out here for him.
I probably would have accepted him any way I could have had him. Now, I could have him for real, but my bruised ego kept stepping in front of my battered heart in a futile effort to prevent any more damage.
“We have a live band tonight, so it’s going to be a little crazy. Hopefully.” The side of his mouth curved up. “But if you need anything at all, text me.”
“Thank you. Now, that I feel somewhat normal I’m going to work on the deck for a while.” I nodded toward the small wooden deck behind the screen door.
“This is a pretty nice rental for the summer.” He swept his gaze around the room.
“It belongs to my company. They invested in homes out here, too. I just happened to be lucky this one was available. My boss told me to think of it as a gift.” I shrugged, remembering when I’d found out all the details, this house and this project had seemed more like a punishment.
“I’d say so.” He leaned in and brushed his lips over my cheek. “Get some rest. I brought you some muffins, too. They may be a little hard but you can slip them into the toaster oven.”
“Thank you,” I told him, again. There was a lot I had to say, but those two words were the only ones that were able to slip out.
He squeezed my hand before he made his way out the door.
Sucking in a deep breath that was still followed by the rumble of a cough, I searched through the bags and found four blueberry muffins. He really did think of everything.
I cut one in half, scolding myself for being so weepy over muffins, and after shoving it into the toaster, sat down at the kitchen table to log on to my laptop to work for the day. My boss was familiar with how often I came down with sinus infections and usually was the first one to throw me out of the office. When I’d told her I was sick, she insisted I work from the rental for the next couple of days before I went back to the hotel.
My work emails were light, and I found myself bothered by the silence, the only sound in the room was me chewing on the crispy part of the toasted muffin. Eying my phone, I scooped it up and called Sue.
“Good morning.” My stomach dropped at her gravelly greeting followed by a yawn.
“I’m so sorry, I thought you’d be up.”
“Oh honey, I have been. We’ve been playing the make Jared stay in his own bed game and losing. We finally stopped walking him back to his room at two this morning but he woke up right on time at six-thirty. I really need to escape to you for a weekend.”
“Come anytime you want. I’m free, all the time,” I sang the last part in my still hoarse voice.
It sometimes felt as if my feet were stuck in some kind of mud. My friends were all moving along with husbands and babies, and here I was. I could have moved along too, but that would have been settling. It was the one decision I never doubted, even if I was still left in limbo.
“I hear the Kathleen Turner sinus rasp. Another infection?”
“Of course. Every summer without fail.”
“But you’re all by yourself out there. I wish you would have told me. I could have snuck out for a day or two. I know how bad they can get.”
“This one wasn’t so terrible, and I’m not that alone out here. I made friends with Joe’s wife.”
“Oh good, I’m glad you weren’t sick by yourself.”
