Things might have felt different tonight, but in the end, they weren’t. I needed to view tonight as a gift, a nice glimpse of the best time of my life and nothing more.
“This is a lot neater than your apartment in Queens,” she teased as she scanned the living room.
“I’m not here as much to mess it up,” I quipped, a nervous chuckle falling from my lips.
After spending so much time thinking about her here, I didn’t want her to go. Once she did, I knew she’d never be here again. We’d be business only, which I’d mostly accepted, but I wanted more—if only for now.
“I’ll give you the five-cent tour.” I motioned to my kitchen table. “That’s the kitchen, obviously. My bedroom is behind the living room. It’s good for a guy who lives alone, but you can see why a family of three would feel a little cramped.”
“I can. It’s nice.” She arched a brow. “Your mom would be happy you made your bed.”
“Yeah? She got on me all the time at my old apartment for that. I’d purposely leave it and make it after she left, which she probably figured out.” I lifted a shoulder in an innocent shrug.
“Always a ball breaker. Even with your own mother.” She shook her head, still running her palms up and down her arms.
“Let me get you that shirt,” I said before rushing over to my closet.
I’d dated here and there, but I never wanted more than a few nights with the same woman. I always found a flaw that I used as an excuse to never call her again.
I’d always want more of Thea, but I’d kept us both waiting too long.
“Here you go.” I brought her my Yankee hoodie and held it open for her to slip her arms in the sleeves.
“You still have this?” She gaped at me before shrugging it on. Her back was to my front, but I spied her hard swallow. I put my hands on her shoulders and stilled as a heavy silence fell over us.
“I do, it’s been washed so much it’s the softest shirt I own. You can keep it until tomorrow.”
Her eyes filled with something I couldn’t decipher. Did she want me to back away or come closer?
“Do you have a bottle of water? My mouth is a little dry.” The quick rise and fall of her chest gave away her rapid breathing, matching my own.
“Of course, give me a second.”
My own mouth parched, I grabbed two bottles of water and came back to where she was waiting on my couch. Before she noticed I was there, I caught her dip her nose under the neckline and inhale.
I sat next to her and handed her the bottle. Thea seemed so lost in her own thoughts she jumped when she noticed me standing there. I missed the days when she’d steal my clothes because they smelled like me. We had so many amazing memories, but the happiness we shared had only brought pain when I glanced back at it from where we were now.
“Thank you,” she whispered before grabbing the water from my hand, taking a long sip without looking at me.
“I had the best time tonight,” I told her, sliding my hand across my couch cushion to find hers. My clammy palm slid against hers and I laced our fingers together. “With you. I’ve missed you so much. I know you probably don’t believe that.”
I was surprised when she nodded. “I do. I know you…” she trailed off, taking in a quick breath. “You didn’t mean to hurt me. No harm in remembering the old days, right? I had fun with you, too.” She squeezed my hand and pulled back. I wrapped my fingers around her wrist, unable to let her go.
“The old days,” I repeated, inching closer to her on the couch. “What about now?”
Her shoulders slumped before her chin dropped to her chest. “Now, we can’t go back. We’re different people.” Her tired eyes met mine. “We live in different places and want very different things out of life.”
“I still wantyou,” I blurted out.
Her eyes widened as she fell back on my couch.
“Like…like I told you,” she stammered, raking her fingers through her hair. “We were a long time ago—”
“No, I think we’re right now.” I cupped her cheek and ran my thumb along her jaw. Her eyes fluttered in a mix of pleasure and pain. “We’re more now than you want to admit, Thea.” My thumb grazed along her bottom lip, and a sigh rolled through her.
“I miss kissing you so much. Your lips aren’t mine to taste anymore, but I remember them, sweetheart. I’ve done nothing but remember for four years.”
Thea’s eyes clenched shut when my lips found her forehead. All the plans I had for us, some I never even shared with her, came back to me in a rush with her so close to me.
