“It was a little weird at first, I won’t lie, but we’ve gotten more comfortable with each other. And, I had no other choice.” I laughed and took another sip.
“I’m sure,” he said slowly, his eyes still holding mine. I hoped he hadn’t caught Dominic holding my hand, but judging by the sour slant of his mouth, no such luck.
I leaned back in my chair, considering the irony of it all. Adam and I could’ve been married by now. Maybe staying in his life at a friendly distance was cruel. I’d never wanted to hurt him, but that seemed to be exactly what I kept doing by simply being in his presence.
“Things will always be a little tense and complicated between us, I suppose. But he’s happy here, and I’m glad.”
The waitress laid two plates piled high with shrimp and stuffed clams. After all these weeks of being on the shore, this was the first time I was able to indulge in seafood. Because of the tension now pulsing between us, it was hard to hold on to my appetite.
“When I walked in, it didn’t seem so complicated. It seemed like I was interrupting something.”
I dropped my fork and reared back in my seat.
“Adam, I don’t know what you think you saw—”
“It’s his fault,” he spat out.
I jerked back and squinted at him. “What’s his fault?”
He huffed out a laugh and crossed his arms.
“I knew we rushed into getting engaged, but I figured if you had a little time away, maybe you’d clear your head and we could get back to how we used to be. But, since your time away is with Dominic, no such luck.”
He scooted closer to the table, angrily slicing into an innocent piece of shrimp and not sparing me a glance. Despite the childish way he was acting out, I understood him. I was all too familiar with waiting for someone who wasn’t coming back, even when it appeared to be a lost cause.
“Adam, breaking up with you and not getting back together had nothing to do with spending time with Dominic this summer.”
He didn’t look up, but I continued.
“We were always better off as friends, and I think deep down, you know that. Maybe I’m being mean by staying in your life if I’ve hurt you this much.”
He stilled, picking his head up and peering at me with wide, glassy eyes.
“You don’t have it in you to be mean. I don’t want you to not be in my life. We started as friends, and that’s what we should be. I can deal with…the rest of it, I promise.” His sad smile killed me. If only I loved him that way, being with Adam would have been perfect. If only I could pick who I wanted to give my heart to. That choice was out of my hands and seemed pretty damn irrevocable.
“I am worried about you, though. Aside from my own personal issues with you and Dominic, I don’t want to see you get hurt again.”
“I’m a big girl,” I teased. “I’ll be fine. Can I just enjoy my lunch and my friend’s company the rest of the afternoon?”
He laughed, his smile genuine, this time, and a couple of inches wider. “Of course. And if for any reason, it’s…not fine, I am still your friend above all else. You don’t have to shut me out if you need me.”
“Thank you. But it won’t come to that.”
I returned to my plate after my lie.
The distance I’d originally put between Dominic and me shrank little by little with each day. I was becoming attached, and it was dangerous. Plus, his life was here, but mine was still back in Queens.
Starting up anything between us wasn’t a good idea for lots of reasons.
You made me feel alive.
Holding Dominic’s hand was like waking up after a long sleep and jolting awake. When it was good between us, it wassogood. We’d fit in every way, and our life together was wonderful, until it wasn’t.
“Are you coming back down to the shore at all this summer?” I asked Adam as he pulled up in front of the hotel.
“Maybe. If not I’ll see you when you get back.” He studied me for a moment, his blue eyes lingering on my lips before he leaned over to kiss my cheek. “I’m glad I got to see you for a little while, anyway.” His smile didn’t make it to his eyes, and guilt jabbed at my stomach.
“I’m sorry, Adam.” I pressed my lips to his cheek and rested my head against his temple.
