“I was in a terrible place at the time. I was too fucked up to realize what I was doing.”
“You said that, but you aren’t now, are you?” She leaned forward. “You’re fine. Big smiles, jokes, I would have givenanythingfor you to let me in. To see you like this. But I wasn’t what you needed, or wanted.” She lifted a shoulder, dropping her gaze back to the floor.
I’d never understood the way my leaving had affected her. I’d broken her. I’d broken us. And it was too late to try to put the pieces back together.
She pushed off the couch and marched up to me, her eyes shining as a small smile played on her lips.
“Iamglad you’re okay and that you’re happy. I can be a grown up and manage this restaurant opening with you. But, I thought you needed to know. Or, at least,Ineeded to tell you.” A heavy sigh fell from her lips.
On instinct, my hand cupped her cheek. She raised her head, her eyes clenching shut as she stiffened under my touch.
“I am so, so sorry, Thea. You can’t even begin to know how much.”
I pressed a kiss to her forehead and rested my chin on the top of her head. I expected her to push me away, but we stayed there a long minute, a surprisingly comfortable silence washing over us.
I swiped a tear escaping down her cheek with my thumb. “My mother would be so pissed at me right now. She would have kicked my ass back then if she’d known what I was doing.”
“She knew,” Thea whispered, lifting her head with a smile tugging at her lips. “She knew we were…struggling before she passed away. I went to see her when she was in hospice.” Her gaze dropped to the floor. “I brought her thosepignolicookies she liked and kept asking what she needed, but she yelled at me to sit and tell her what was wrong.”
“Sounds like Mom.”
More flashbacks raced through my brain. The two of them ganging up on me all the time, all of us laughing at my mother’s table on Sundays when I’d relentlessly tease them both. Life had been good before it had all gone to shit.
“When she dragged it out of me, she told me not to be upset because you just needed time to deal with things your own way, but you’d come around.” She swallowed before she continued. “Because you loved me.”
The ache in my chest made it difficult to breathe. What Thea and I’d had only came around once in a lifetime, and I’d thrown it away.
“She loved you,” I croaked out, my eyes clouding up. “Thank you for going to see her.”
“You don’t have to thank me.” She crossed her arms and shook her head. “I loved her, too. I hated letting both of you go.” Her watery smile almost made me lose it.
“I hate that I letyougo. I wish I could make you see just how much.” I swallowed, the urge to bring her back into my arms almost palpable.
“I better get back to Moira. She was anxious to order, and you know how she gets when she hasn’t eaten.”
Thea’s hazel eyes were red and glossy. She bit her full red lip, but I could still see it quiver. I wanted her back so badly it pulsed in my fingertips, but now it seemed too cruel to try.
My eyes drank her in where she stood. So gorgeous, inside and out. No woman ever compared to her in my eyes or ever would.
Neither of us said a word as she opened the door and left.
Seeing her every day would be the torture I’d earned, and living without her was the punishment I deserved.
12
Thea
I wokeup Monday morning anxious, but free of the dread that had plagued me since I’d been assigned to the Halston Hotel. I was ready to get this job done: finalize the estimates and get this place up and running. Weeding through the paperwork on my desk, I cringed at how unfocused I’d been for the past few days, but as of today, my head was officially out of the clouds.
Would working with Dominic be easy? I was sure it would still be awkward at times, but a weight had been lifted from letting go of most of the exhausting pretense.
“Good morning.”
My head whipped toward Dominic’s voice. He stood in the doorway of my office with dark jeans and a tight black T-shirt. His beard was cropped, and a tiny smile curved his lips. Now that I could look him in the eye, I had to figure out how to ignore his mouth.
“Good morning.” I returned his smile and motioned to the seat across my desk. “You’re just in time.”
“I brought coffee for you.” Dominic placed a plastic cup on my desk, a shy grin pulling at his lips. “I didn’t know if it would stay hot from the pub so I picked up iced. You never drank hot coffee anyway, but maybe…” He trailed off before his head fell back on a sigh. My heart squeezed a bit at how flustered he was over simply bringing me coffee.
