She leaned her elbows onto the table before lifting her gaze. “When you’re an old woman like me, I want you to look back at this time of your life and see good memories, not have it all be a blur of nothing because you ran away scared. When you came home and told me about Joe, it was the happiest I’d ever seen you. I never saw even a tiny bit of that when you were with Trent.”
I narrowed my eyes at my mother. “Who are you? Are you the same woman who told me the minute I turned sixteen that I needed a job that summer so I could see what the world was really like? Who was on me my entire senior year of high school to go to college in Manhattan so I could stay home because I was too young to be so far away from home and family?” My other friends were my age and traveled all over the country for school, so that logic never made any sense even back then.
“That was me trying to keep you grounded, and, because I’m a selfish woman, keep you close. You were all I had.” She regarded me with a sad smile. “Still are. I’m probably to blame for how you are now.”
“And how is that?” I pursed my lips and tilted my head.
“Scared to take chances, even when it makes you miserable.”
“No, you’re not … well, maybe a little.” I laughed for the first time in days. Mom scowled but couldn’t help a tiny smile.
“What do I do now?” I whispered, more to myself than my mother.
“What do you want to do?”
My reply came quick without a second of thought.
“I want to be with Joe. By trying to put a stop to the constant disappointment, I ended up hurting the both of us. The distance is still not ideal, but I can’t not have him at all.”
“Then call him and tell him.”
Since he’d texted yesterday, I hadn’t heard another word from Joe. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’d thrown his hands up and said enough. And I wouldn’t blame him at all if he did.
“Or you could sit here and play with your food like a sad little puppy. Choice is yours, cookie.”
41
Caterina
“Good morning. How are you today?”Emma peeked in my doorway.
I turned around with a shrug. “Fine,” I lied. Sleep eluded me, no matter what time I tried to close my eyes. I’d almost called Joe a dozen times, but I chickened out, too afraid of what he’d say. Mom was right. I was afraid to take chances. If he brushed me off, at least I’d know. This not knowing was killing me, but I couldn’t bring myself to find out.
“I have some news.” She stepped inside and leaned against the edge of my desk. “I fired Sharon today. She’s clearing out her office now.”
“Wow.” I first cringed over the extra work I’d have, but, in reality, I’d done her jobandmine all these months. There wouldn’t be much of a difference as far as workload. Only now, the extra work I took on wouldn’t be optional.
“I didn’t realize how much you were pulling her weight. Let’s talk after lunch. I have a one o’clock meeting, so I’ll find you after. Sound good?”
I nodded, unsure of what this meeting meant, but glad Emma knew the truth. “Sure, we can talk then.”
“Great.” She pushed off my desk, her gaze still on mine. “The launch went off without a hitch with talk of even more work. And that’s, in large part, because of your efforts. You have a bright future here, and I’d like to talk about all that could entail.”
Going back to my computer screen, I tried my best to focus. What I missed the most was something to look forward to. The texting back and forth, some of it sweet, a lot of it dirty. The long phone calls that still always seemed too short. I’d complained about not having him the way I’d wanted, but not having him at all was a new and painful kind of torture.
I’d be thirty-four this November, and it felt as if I’d wasted most of those years. The only time I didn’t consider a waste were the weeks I’d spent in Ocean Cove. I even counted the time after. As I allowed myself to finally take in the letdown of it all, the loneliness hit me hard, now that I finally had a chance to let myself think about it.
“Cat,” Amy called, startling me out of my haze. “Someone’s here to see you. She’s waiting by reception. Are you okay? You seem a little wiped.”
“I’m good,” I lied as I followed Amy to the reception area. I found a tall, slim woman with long dark hair sitting on one of the leather chairs. She looked familiar, but I couldn’t place her.
When her dark eyes met mine, she rose from the seat and rushed over to me.
“Caterina? I’m so sorry to surprise you at work like this. I’m Bella. Joe’s sister.” She extended her hand with a sincere and easy smile.
“Oh, nice to meet you.” I took her hand and studied her gaze, trying to figure out why Joe’s sister would pay me a visit.
“I know you’re probably busy, but do you have time for a quick cup of coffee?”
