It wasn’t until he capped the wordboyfriendthat I realized my slip. I didn’t want anyone else, and I didn’t wanthimwith anyone else, but neither of us had used the words before. In fact, I avoided them when I could because I was afraid of getting my own hopes up. Or, if I was honest with myself, referring to any kind of commitment between us upset me because it wasn’t the commitment I wanted. I was in love, plain and simple. The timing made it all sound crazy, and that’s exactly what we were—crazy in love with separate lives too far away to be shared.
“Cat, are you all right? You looked a little distant, just now.”
I nodded, going back to the still of the video with a smile creeping on my lips.
“Yeah, I’m okay. It was a great two weeks, but we’re having a hard time extending vacation to real life.”
“As sad as you look right now, I’m jealous ashellof you.” Amy chuckled. “The way he was looking at you in some of those pictures… I’ve never seen you so lit up before.” She patted my hand. “I’m sure you guys will work it out.”
I shrugged, not nearly as sure but hoping she was right.
* * *
I jerkedout of a restless sleep around two o’clock in the morning when my phone buzzed under my pillow.
“Hi, Joe.” My mouth stretched with a yawn.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have called you so late.”
“Or early, I get up at five, so it’s all relative.” My voice was hoarse and full of sleep even though I couldn’t get any. “I don’t care what time it is when you call.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” I answered a bit too quickly to be convincing.
“Come on, baby. Talk to me.”
“I’m okay,” I lied. I was weak. I promised I’d try, but I was failing in every way. I still couldn’t shake my obligations at work right now. All I wanted was to take off for the weekend and be with Joe, causing my frustration to rise. I was overdramatic even in my own head, but I still felt hopeless and helpless.
“I just…I really miss you.”
“I miss you too, beautiful. So much, you can’t imagine. My pillow still smells a little like you, so I pretend you’re still in bed with me.”
“You haven’t changed the sheets since I left? That’s gross, Joe.”
His laugh boomed in my ear. “I changed the sheets. They got too much of a workout when you were here, so I didn’t have a choice. But I left the pillowcase.”
“Does it work?”
“Eh, not really. My pillow doesn’t hog three quarters of the bed.”
“Again, I donothog the bed.”
“Again, yes, you do. But having those warm and naked curves all over me makes it worth it.” His playful, gruff voice triggered a hot shiver. “Why I always … woke you up.”
“I remember.” I never got much sleep in Joe’s bed, but I’d still had a hard time sleeping in my own since I’d come back.
“And I can bury my head in the pillow, but it’s not the same as when I bury my head between your legs. So, it’s a pretty subpar substitute.”
“Is that so? I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Without you coming in my mouth, it sucks.”
My cheeks heated as I shook my head. Sweet and dirty, that was the Joe I knew, and the Joe I wanted so much it hurt.
“You have such a filthy mouth. And I miss it so much.”
“Pretend you’re here with me.”
