“Joe is the name of sex-on-a-stick at the bar, the owner of this place, and yes, he’s the one.”
“Wow,” Megan gasped. “Good for you! So, I guess you guys have been,” she motioned between me and the bar behind me, “ever since?”
“No, just the one night. Long story short, I ended up here my first night to get something to eat. One thing led to another, and—it doesn’t matter. I can’t start up anything with anyone now.” I smoothed the stray waves off my damp forehead. “Whatever it was, is done. It’s better this way.”
“Really?” Megan giggled and shook her head. “Judging by how flustered you are when he’s only across the room, it doesn’t seemdoneat all.”
“I’m not flustered,” I snapped, the denial not even believable to my own ears. Megan and Claire could always see right through me. Although it didn’t take a detective to decode how I felt about Joe. They cast each other a side-glance before bringing their gazes back to mine.
“Okay, yes. We had incredible chemistry, and it was the best sex of my life, but it can’t happen again.”
“You can’t say ‘best sex of your life’ and let it dangle like that.” Claire narrowed her eyes at me. “He looks…intense. Like he’d be reallythorough.” Her eyebrows jumped. “Am I right?”
“Yes,” I admitted. He was so thorough I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Every kiss, every touch, the sex hadn’t been just fantastic, it had been life changing. He knew my body better than anyone I’d ever known, including myself. “And he’s sweet. So damn sweet.” I held in the story of dopey, tipsy me and how Joe took care of me like a perfect gentleman. I didn’t want him to be a gentleman anymore. I wanted the insatiable, dirty-talking animal he’d been the night we met, but I feared I’d pushed him too far away.
“Would you believe he’s only thirty and built this place up himself after only a couple of years? But, I shouldn’t be getting involved with anyone now, much less have a fling with someone who lives over three hours away.” I lifted a shoulder and reached for a chicken finger, breaking it apart until it was nothing but greasy white strands on my plate.
“Cat, I’m just going to say it.” Megan fell back in her seat and leveled her gaze on mine. “And I promise you, this comes from a lot of love. Stop fucking up your life.”
I dropped the meat onto my plate and squinted at Megan. “Fucking up my life?” My nose burned, and something scratched at my throat, probably more of that pain-in-the-ass clarity. I came here with the full knowledge that I screwed up somewhere, but hearing a close friend say it aloud took it to another crushing level.
“Since I’ve known you, you’ve always been too busy working toward something to actually enjoy anything. We had to push you to go out—even back in college. You were always afraid of screwing up that one test or project, convinced it would mess up your plans for the future. You were too busy planning your life to actually let yourself have one, babe.” Her lips pursed as she drew back into her chair.
“So, you guys agree with Trent that I’m a cold fish?” I huffed to hide the crack in my voice.
“First of all, don’t compare us to that douche.” Claire scooted her chair closer to mine. “But I hate to say that he had a point. He was doing whatever for God knows how long, and if you hadn’t come home early that day, you never would have known. It’s easy for you to get sucked in, overwork yourself and not see anything else. That being said, he took advantage of that fact. And if you working too much really bothered him, he would have said something or tried to salvage whatever you guys had. My guess is that he’s being petty because he doesn’t want to leave the apartment.”
“Exactly. And stupid me put his name on the lease.” I lifted my hair off of my sweaty neck, trying to cool down from all the tension and frustration.
“There are ways around that. Don’t worry about that now. Now,” Megan jerked her chin toward Joe, “you need to figure out what kind of regret do you want to live with? The kind from jumping into a passionatefling.”
My lips twitched when her voice dropped on fling as if it were a dirty word.
“Right after you ended a passion-lessrelationship,” she continued, “or steering clear because it’s too complicated?”
Steering clear wasn’t working. From the time I pulled Joe inside my motel room, things were already complicated. I’d foolishly thought putting a stop to whatever was brewing between us would be the easy thing to do. But all it had done was exhaust me and upset us both.
“I’ll go out on a limb, judging by how miserable you look at the moment, you wouldn’t be able to live with yourself if you don’t at least give it a try.”
“I can hardly live with myself now,” I finally admitted. “This doesn’t make any sense. We just met. And what happens—”
“Stop that.” Claire swatted my hand. “Best sex of your life, remember? Don’t worry the whys or about what happens just yet. Right now, just take a chance and enjoy the ride.”
“I may not even have a chance. I’ve done nothing but give him mixed signals, and I think he’s had enough.” I exhaled, now feeling every ounce of the disappointment and regret I’d been trying to push away.
“Do you mean the same guy who isstillstealing heated glances over here and looked like he was ready to take that guy’s head off just for staring at you? I think if you straighten it out, you’ll still have a good chance.” Megan patted my arm. “Go over and talk to him.”
“No, not tonight. The mornings here are quieter, not as many people around.” I swiveled my head and spotted another crowd around Joe, charismatic bastard that he was. Nope, I couldn’t confess anything to him tonight.
“Where do I begin?” I rubbed at my temples, feeling not a little terrified but oddly relieved. Whatever happened, I wouldn’t have to wonder what could’ve been. And Megan was right, that would torture me. Italreadytortured me.
“That’s our girl!” Claire shoved my shoulder, and a laugh escaped me.
“I think you already know,” Megan said. “Telling the truth is always a good place to start.”
15
Caterina
