“Well, I’m getting the hell out of this heat now that the air conditioning works again. How about we go out to eat tonight? Just the three of us.” Dad gave me a hopeful grin that I forced myself to return without crying. Lying to him was killing me, but I didn’t know how to stop.
“I can’t, Dad. Helping with another painting class tonight.” Or meeting Dylan as soon as you guys leave the house.
“Oh, okay. But enough, Patricia Jane.” I panicked at the crinkle in his forehead. “Too many hours between teaching art class at school and the painting classes. You’re supposed to enjoy your last summer before college.” He grabbed my mother’s hand. “Looks like it’s just us again, Ella-Jane.”
“Looks like.” Mom answered but kept her gaze on me. “If it gets to be too much, you’ll … let me know, right?” Her gaze was sympathetic, most likely thinking this was the usual unrequited crush tension between Dylan and me, not the combustible attraction we had to hide.
“I will, promise,” I lied.
It was already too much, but there was no one to tell. Being in love, without being able to say it, was the loneliest I’d ever been in my life.
20
Danielle
“Goodnight, Danielle. Thank you!”my boss, Rachel, called out to me as I was leaving the center. I nodded back and held in a laugh. Other therapists had families and, well, lives, other than this place. Coming in on a Saturday wasn’t the same hardship for me as it was for them. Tearing myself away fromChicago Firereruns and low-fat ice cream wasn’t exactly what I called a sacrifice.
I dreaded seeing my brother tomorrow. I was sure outpatient therapy sessions weren’t what he meant when he wanted me to get out more on the weekends. I strolled toward the parking lot, letting out a long sigh as I anticipated the usual loving nudge my family gave me over Sunday dinner. I couldn’t help but think maybe they were as ashamed of me as I was of myself.
“You love this place so much you’re putting in extra hours, huh?”
I jumped at the familiar timbre behind me. I turned around, a grin stretching my lips.
“Sure! What’s not to love?”
Jack’s smile grew wide as he rose from the bench next to the entrance. He ambled around using one crutch for support, but he walked almost normally.
My former boss had warned me about “special relationships.” Patients looked to us for validation and hope and—especially in cases when injuries were serious—grew strong emotional attachments to us. When it was time to be discharged, their need for us was gone. When this happened in the past, I was able to wish them well and accept never seeing them again. But Jack … Jack was different. Unlike his attachment, mine was preexisting and would be much harder to shake. Even though it pained me to admit it, having him here made me feel less alone. That meant once he did leave, I’d feel twice as alone.
Alone hadn’t bothered me for a long time, until now. I didn’t want to miss Jack, but I already did. As hard as I’d fought to keep that wall up, Jack had found a crack. The more time I spent with him, the more I wanted from him. It was dangerous and foolish, and the only way to stop it was to not be around him any more than I had to. I bypassed the last couple of not random meetings in the cafeteria to lessen the inevitable blow. My love life consisted of sharing a nightly Kit Kat with my childhood crush, and I hated knowing even that was ending soon. I’d gotten too attached and needed to let go.
“I have a surprise for you.” Jack quirked a brow as he made his way toward me. “Come sit with me,” he whispered. He nodded back to the steel bench.
“I … um,” I stammered, trying to find the best way to say no. Peering into Jack’s baby blues, no was the last thing I wanted to tell him, but my focus was on self-preservation as I prepped for his departure.
“Please,” he rasped. A sad smile curved his lips. “Don’t stand me up again. Sit.”
Silently, I complied, and I slid onto the bench, trying with all I had to ignore my growing attraction to this man. Jack was permanent forbidden fruit, first as my older brother’s friend, then as my patient on his way out of treatment. Jack may’ve been close enough to touch, but way out of my reach.
A bag of Peanut Butter M&Ms plopped into my lap as soon as I sat down.
“Where did you get these? The vending machine has been out for months.” I picked up the package and studied it—anything to not look at the beaming smile in my peripheral vision. Jack was like an eclipse; he blinded me if I stared at him too long.
“Connection from the outside.” He winked, pulling a chuckle from me. “When my sister and Dylan came up, I asked her to pick up a couple of bags for me.” His arm grazed my shoulder as it extended across the back of the bench, and I hoped he didn’t notice the path of goose bumps down the back of my neck.
“Thank you.” I ripped open the bag and fished for a piece of candy, still trying not to look directly at him. “Feeling a little bit better about the secret?”
“I guess.” Jack stole an M&M. “For my sister’s sake, I’m trying to roll with it. I’m not thrilled, but as pissed at him as I was, I know Dylan is a good guy and wouldn’t hurt her.”
“You’re taking it well. I’m impressed.” I leaned back on the bench and then jerked forward when my shoulder brushed Jack’s arm.
He shrugged. “Not taking it well would cause a rift between my sister and me, and I’d hate that. Besides, he’s not the first guy to notice his friend’s little sister.” He scooted closer to me. “It happens.”
I searched his face, unable to deny the heat in his stare. Maybe I should be grateful that whatever this was would be ending soon. I twisted the top of the bag and shoved it into my purse.
“I should get going—” Jack grabbed my arm before I could stand.
“I was thinking, maybe after I get sprung,”—the corners of his mouth twitched— “either I could come here and meet you in the park up the road, or you can come down to the Bronx for a weekend. Keep me on task.”
