I threw my head back in laughter. “The way I acted all this time. I’ve been an animal, for Christ’s sake. That’s not selfish?”
“No, sweetheart,” she whispered as she squeezed my shoulder. “That’s being human. Could you have handled it better? Maybe. You would cut your arm off before you’d hurt Victoria intentionally. But, you need to learn how to accept help. This is a great way to start.”
“I have an interview tomorrow. For my new second job. Pays less than the first.” I shook my head, warding off the stinging behind my eyelids. “I’m so delinquent in rent, it would take four jobs to catch up.”
“How long do you think you can keep going around and around in the same endless cycle? You may not get this opportunity again. If you want toreallytake care of your daughter, sacrifice a year of both your lives.” Her gray eyes bore into mine. “To not take Josh up on this, to barely keep your head above water until the one day comes when you drown for the sake of your own pride. That, my darling—that is selfish.”
“Mommy, I was waiting for you. If you’re not still mad, can you come watch the movie with me?” Victoria’s voice was small as she climbed into my lap. I cinched my arms around her and buried my head into her neck.
“I was never mad at you. I love you more than anything in the world.” My voice cracked as I kissed the top of her head. “I’ll be right in.” A smile lifted her cheeks as she hopped off my lap and headed back into her room.
I let out a long sigh as I grabbed my phone and punched out a text to Josh.
Me: Did you mean it when you said Victoria could live with you?
In three seconds, the message reply bubble popped up showing someone typing. What scared me more? That maybe he changed his mind or that he didn’t?
Josh: Absolutely. It’s the least I can do. Did you contact the school?
My head fell back in the chair as I prayed I was doing the right thing.
Me: No, but I will tomorrow. Thank you.
Josh: My pleasure, Sara. We’d love to have her.
“Well?” Mrs. L pressed, tapping her finger on the table.
“I’ll do it. For her.”
Mrs. Lillo’s mouth split in a wide grin. “No. You’ll do it forbothof you.”
Sara
“DO YOU HAVEyour own room?” my daughter inquired from behind me. This was a new foray for us. Me in a driver’s seat and her strapped in the back seat—in a car. A car that was mine. For her entire life, I dragged Victoria on buses and subway trains. Sometimes we were offered rides, and on occasion, I’d splurge on a cab, but owning a car? Never in my wildest dreams. By some miracle, I remembered how to drive.
Mrs. Lillo gave me her son’s old car as a going away present since she planned on moving to South Carolina in a couple of months. She insisted I couldn’t ride the Amtrak all the way to Plattsburgh, and public transportation to and from school and work was hard to come by upstate. We shared a teary goodbye, but I promised to send her as many pictures and updates as I could. Everything was firmly in place for me to take back the dream I’d always wanted, but all I did was cry about it for the past three days.
“I have a roommate, so I have to share a room.” I tried my damnedest to keep my voice even. Everything revolved around Victoria, and I wasn’t sure how I’d handle being without her. I wouldn’t let myself think about it until I had to. Today . . . I had to.
“Is she nice?” She winced in the rearview mirror. My heart squeezed at the worry in her eyes.
I turned to her after I put the car in park and squeezed her hand.
“We talked on the phone. She’s very nice. Maybe when I call you later, I can introduce you.” My reply cracked at the end. There was no way I was making it out of the city without waterworks. I hoped I’d be able to hold them off until I drove away.
How was I going to do this? She was my baby. What kind of a mother leaves her baby? The urge to grab my phone and cancel everything was so overwhelming it choked me.
I stepped out of the car and fished her suitcase and bag of toys out of the trunk. The watery smile I forced as we strode to their outside door caused pain in my cheeks. Her hand clutched around mine as I rang their doorbell.
“Hey, Sweets!” Josh extended his inked arms as he gave our daughter a smile. Instead of running toward him like she always did, she burrowed into my side and dropped her gaze to the floor.
Biting my quivering lip, I gave Josh a shrug. He answered with a sad nod before crouching in front of her.
“I know you’re sad that your mom is leaving today, but she’s only a call away. You’ll talk to her every night and she’ll be here on Thanksgiving. And . . .” he leaned in and told her in a loud whisper, “Bri and I have been setting up your room all week. Want to come see?”
He held out his hand and quirked an eyebrow until she took it. Josh was tall with a broad muscular frame and covered head to toe in ink. He was almost unrecognizable compared to when I’d first met him. Then, he was a twenty-one-year-old soldier visiting for a weekend—only “passing through” as he’d said. Neither of us thought he’d leave a permanent souvenir behind. As big of a man as he was, he crumpled into a big teddy bear around his daughter. Her eyes stayed glued to mine as she followed her father inside.
“Hey, Vic!” Brianna rushed over to her and planted a quick kiss on her forehead. “You won’t believe all the Wonder Woman stuff we found. You even have your own desk!” She lifted her gaze to mine and gave me a half smile. “Hi, Sara.”
